


False Equivalence

by sunrise_and_death



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Communication, F/M, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, POV Outsider, Post-Canon, canon warnings in general, everyone working their shit out, just discussion about it though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-01 22:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15783372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunrise_and_death/pseuds/sunrise_and_death
Summary: Some part of her had known it would come back to Neil. He was the one who had cracked the twins the first time. Of anyone, he was the most likely to have a solution for this as well.Although the events of the previous year resolved a lot of issues, Katelyn quickly discovers that not every problem has been addressed. As she attempts to map a future in which Aaron has both her and his family, she finds herself once again working with Neil Josten—to unexpected results.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2018 AFTG Big Bang. So much thanks to my excellent artist, Athena. You can find her awesome work [here](https://vaevitum.tumblr.com/post/177346760025/my-art-for-the-fabulous-fic-false-equivalence-by). And all my thanks to the challenge mod; it's a tough one to run and you did a terrific job!
> 
> I have literally no idea how I wrote over 20k about Katelyn, but it happened and I'm actually really proud of it. I hope you enjoy it as well.

Dating someone who had an identical twin could be extremely strange. Especially when said twin had threatened to kill you if you so much as looked at him.

Katelyn had had nightmares about that moment in the library for months afterward. When she was unconscious, Andrew didn’t stop with threats. She couldn’t move as his knives bit into her mercilessly, Neil standing by and watching with that faintly annoyed expression he always wore whenever anyone spoke to him who wasn’t a Fox.

She woke up from those dreams sweaty and gasping. Luckily, Aaron was a deep sleeper—the couple of times she’d found him next to her after those dreams, it had taken a few moments to remind herself that Aaron was not his brother.

And he really wasn’t, not at all. If he had been, she wouldn’t be dating him.

“It’s the whole nature-vs.-nurture thing,” Marissa said one day. About six of the Vixens were getting lunch together in the athletes’ cafeteria. They’d spotted Andrew, Kevin, and Neil across the room not long after they’d settled in to eat. None of them had dared to approach, but someone had revived their ongoing conversation about the twins.

Marissa took another bite of her sandwich, chewing contemplatively. “I bet if Aaron had been the one put in foster care, he’d be just like Andrew.”

Even if Katelyn hadn’t known better, she wouldn’t have given any weight to Marissa’s words. After all, Marissa had tried to get Neil Josten to go out with her. Her ability to read people was clearly lacking.

“Except Andrew’s gay,” Tanya pointed out from Katelyn’s side, shooting her a conspiratorial look. “And Aaron’s definitely not, if Katelyn’s headboard is any indication.”

The girls giggled and Katelyn rolled her eyes to the ceiling, wishing she was the sort of person who grew immune to blushing. “Oh my god, Tanya,” she said wearily. “That was one time. Let it go.” She and Aaron had been a lot more careful about how loud they got after that particular incident.

Tanya raised her hands placatingly, but she was grinning, one corner of her mouth hitched higher than the other. “I’m just saying,” she continued, “there’s gotta be some innate differences.”

They all silently—and discretely—peered at Andrew. It was so strange, Katelyn thought again, how much he could look like Aaron and yet be so completely different.

“I bet they have some strange stuff in common, though,” Emma piped up. She batted the end of her ponytail against her chin as she stared across the room. “You always hear about twins separated at birth who both like peanut butter on pickles or something weird like that.”

“They do have to have some similarities beyond the obvious,” Tanya agreed.

“They’re both dating redheads,” Lauren suggested.

Katelyn looked down at her hair, which was so dark it could barely be classified as red. “Mine’s dyed,” she said dryly.

“So’s his,” Lauren replied, waving a hand at Neil’s distinctive auburn mop. “Or, I think it is. I’ve never gotten a clear answer on that.”

Aaron hadn’t given Katelyn much more information, but she thought that was mostly because he hated Neil with an irrational sort of passion and avoided speaking about him at all costs. “His is natural,” she clarified. “And mine was blonde when Aaron and I started dating.”

“I still think there’s something,” Emma said. Across the cafeteria, the three boys were finishing up. Kevin shoved a small bowl of salad at Neil, only to have it violently returned. Andrew ignored their squabbling. “There’s always something.”

“Maybe,” Katelyn allowed.

The conversation dropped, transforming into a debate about whether or not one of their junior members was hooking up with the Foxes’ new female striker. Katelyn couldn’t bring herself to contribute much. She was still prodding at this new idea—Aaron and Andrew being the same instead of different.

It stuck with her for the rest of the day and then the rest of the week, invading her thoughts at the oddest moments. She found herself examining Andrew the few times they were in the same room. There was only so much information she could gather when she made a point of acting like they were repelling magnets, but she was a scientist at heart and could make do with what she had. But she only discovered further disparity.

One of the things that had drawn her to Aaron initially was the way he always seemed faintly harried, like he had ten other places he needed to be and he was determined to get to all of them at once. She’d thought getting him to slow down and relax would be a feat well worth the extra effort. She was right—she loved it when his movements went syrupy and liquid after sex, his body boneless and resting because of what they’d done together.

There was something unbearably human about Aaron with his myriad of mostly endearing quirks and flaws. The more she observed of Andrew, the more certain she was that he had none of the same fragile humanity. He was like a machine, she thought, watching him twist the lid off a bottle of whisky and pour what seemed like half of it down his throat. From his expressionless face to his monotone voice to his heavy, deliberate way of moving, he was more metal than man. She couldn’t imagine him open or weak—although she knew with skin-crawling detail that he had been, once.

Still, even then—she’d gone to the trial and sat stalwartly at Aaron’s side as Andrew had detailed the consistent, relentless violation he’d undergone for a year of his life while remaining utterly impassive. It was as if all the feeling had bled out of him then through the self-inflicted slices in his arms.

It didn’t take long for Aaron to catch her at her new pastime. The Foxes and the Vixens were partying together, an occasional tradition to celebrate Saturday home games. Andrew had appeared long enough to grab the whisky, consume an inordinate amount, and scare one of the freshman Vixens nearly to death. Katelyn was gratefully watching him go when Aaron slid in beside her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

Instinctively, she leaned into it, curling her hands fondly around his forearms. He was so physically affectionate, always reaching out to her and pulling her close; she didn’t think she’d seen Andrew so much as touch Neil.

Aaron tucked his chin over her shoulder and nuzzled her ear. “Did he do something?” he asked.

Katelyn startled. She hadn’t realized she’d been so obvious. “No,” she reassured him, twisting in his embrace so she could loop her arms around his shoulders. “Although I’m not sure Mona will ever speak to an Exy player again.”

Aaron’s gaze flicked to the girl in question, and warmth pooled in Katelyn’s stomach. He had no reason to remember the other Vixens, except that she talked about them. “I think she’ll survive,” he stated after a quick assessment. “And you were watching him before that.”

There was a question there and it wasn’t one that could go unanswered— _Did you think he was me?_ Katelyn hooked her fingers into the neck of his t-shirt and tried to broadcast reassurance. “I’m just trying to figure something out.”

“That involves Andrew?” Aaron always imbued Andrew’s name with the same half-resentful, half-protective tone.

Katelyn pushed her hair behind her ear self-consciously. It felt silly to say it aloud. “It’s the girls’ fault,” she told him. “I was trying to see if there was anything similar about the two of you. Other than—” She gestured at Aaron’s face.

Aaron made a low noise of disgust in the back of his throat. “I’ll save you the work—there’s nothing. He’s nothing like me. He doesn’t even tie his shoelaces the same way.” He tugged her even closer to him. “Don’t worry about him. There are better things to think about. Like the fact that my dorm’s free.”

Katelyn was hardly stupid enough to ignore an invitation like that.

 

* * *

 

She might have let the whole thing go if it weren’t for the shoelaces. It took her until the next day to realize what an oddly specific thing it was to say. As she threaded her own laces together, she tried to think if she’d ever noticed how anyone else tied theirs. No, she decided after a long moment; she couldn’t even remember Aaron putting on his shoes. The only way someone remembered something like that was if they were watching for it.

And why would Aaron have been watching Andrew so closely? She imagined it—the two of them in their dorm or their house, Aaron carefully positioning himself so he could watch through the corners of his eyes as Andrew laced up his heavy black boots. Or in the locker room before one of their games, Aaron fiddling with the strings of his racquet as Andrew’s hands made his sneaker laces dance.

It was the sort of thing someone did when they were trying to figure someone out, when they wanted to understand every facet of another person. She remembered watching Aaron shave back when they first got together, being fascinated by the way he dragged the blade across his skin. She supposed if she unexpectedly uncovered an identical twin, she might watch them much the same way.

Her heart ached at the idea of it—Aaron at sixteen hoarding every piece of information about this new brother that he could get. Aaron, still remembering years later that his brother’s fingers moved through a familiar pattern in an entirely different sequence than his own. He’d long since admitted to her how much he’d wanted a close relationship with Andrew, how much he’d wanted a brother. This was just tiny reminder of how much.

There was something tragic about the whole thing—Aaron with his disappointed hopes, Andrew with his broken deal, and a pair of twins with so little to bind them together.

They were still going to therapy together occasionally, Katelyn knew. But for the first time, she started wondering what would happen to them when they graduated. She and Aaron had Big Plans—med school and internships and permanent positions at the same hospital and a little house in the suburbs and two dogs. She was sure Aaron and Nicky would keep in touch; despite his attitude, she knew Aaron considered Nicky not only his cousin but the closest thing he had to a friend. Besides, Nicky was the kind of person who would call three times a week, even from Germany.

Andrew, though. She couldn’t imagine Aaron ever picking up the phone and calling his brother. Or Andrew visiting their house. What would they even talk about? There was nothing between them but the past. It seemed more and more likely, as she considered it, that the twins would quietly go their separate ways, never to speak again.

The entire concept seemed wrong to her. She was extremely close to her own family. Visiting her parents or her older sister was something she planned and looked forward to for months. She wanted Aaron to have that, instead of the stilted, awkward thing he and Andrew had cobbled together in the wake of Drake’s death and the end of their deal. But—just like when she and Aaron had first started dating and they’d had to hide their relationship for fear of Andrew—she had no idea how to change things.

It was a problem that required outside help.

She tried Nicky first. He’d always been sweet and supportive, and he knew Aaron like no one but she did. She told him everything over coffee.

He took a long sip of his cappuccino and sighed. “I wish I could help,” he said with an apologetic little smile. This was the softer side of Nicky, so rarely on display. Katelyn always felt like she was glimpsing something private when he got like this. It filled her with pleasure, though, that he treated her like family. “Honestly, I tried my best for years and got nowhere. You saw that.” He made a twirling gesture that seemed to encapsulate her and Aaron’s entire relationship. “Neil was the one who came up with the plan that got them to start speaking again, not me. I wasn’t even in the loop on it.” He shook his head. “I’ve got no idea how he convinces Andrew to do things, but he does. You should talk to him.”

Katelyn smiled back, thanked him, and downed her coffee like it would miraculously turn alcoholic. Privately, she admitted to herself that she’d been hoping to avoid dealing with Neil. She wasn’t stupid—she could tell he didn’t like her, and she knew he hated Aaron. When they’d worked together to make the twins break their deal, it had been clear who Neil was doing it for, and it hadn’t been her or Aaron.

In turn, Aaron loathed him with a smothered and nearly unmatched passion. Katelyn could understand why. With Aaron, Andrew was cold, distant, and unrelenting. But supposedly, he was the opposite with Neil, telling him secrets and letting him out of his own deal without a fuss. Aaron had wanted a brother he could be close to, and in some ways—although certainly not in others—Neil had gotten that piece of Andrew instead.

But despite her reluctance, some part of her had known it would come back to Neil. He was the one who had cracked the twins the first time. Of anyone, he was the most likely to have a solution for this as well. And he might see a benefit for Andrew in helping her out again.

Not one to delay things, Katelyn texted him that evening.

_Hey Neil. Could we get coffee some time?_

As soon as she sent it, she wondered if she should have added her name; she had no idea if Neil had kept her phone number after they’d gone from co-conspirators to the official significant others of one severely dysfunctional set of twins.

The thought made her squirm until his reply came in a few hours later.

_My class ends at 3 tomorrow. Cafeteria?_

At least she was saved the humiliation of him asking who she was. As she tapped her fingers on the phone’s keyboard, she thought about talking to him face to face. She thought about how crowded the cafeteria was.

_Let’s go off campus. I’ll drive._

 

* * *

 

Neil met her by her car the next day. Katelyn couldn't help giving him a quick once-over; she wasn't attracted to him at all, but he was one of those people who naturally drew the eye, especially with his natural coloring restored and clothes that fit properly. Half the cheerleaders had been mildly in love with him last year, even when he'd looked homeless, although Marissa had been the only one bold enough to do anything about it.

"Hey Neil," she greeted him cheerily, pasting on the smile she always wore when she was nervous. Her sister said it made her look like a deranged salesperson. "Thanks for agreeing to meet me."

She felt stupid as soon as she said it, but Neil didn't seem to notice any awkwardness. He stood there in front of her, hands held loosely at his side, and nodded in greeting. "How are you?" he asked, sounding completely uninterested.

"I'm okay," she answered anyway, because Neil sounded like that ninety-five percent of the time in her experience. She unlocked the doors to her Subaru and slid in. Once Neil had settled in on the other side, she started the car. "A little stressed, actually," she amended, mostly to rid the air of that horrible silence Neil carried around with him like the plague. "It's my junior year, so things are getting kind of crazy. You?"

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him hitch his shoulder up in a shrug."Season's starting, so I'm pretty busy." For a second, it seemed like he would end it there, but then he added, "The freshmen are a handful."

Katelyn nodded; Aaron was even more disdainful of the freshmen than he was of the older Foxes, Neil excepted. "New team members are always tough," she agreed, thinking of the drama that seemed to come with each new batch of Vixens. "Aaron said you had some issues with your sub?” He'd said Neil had punched him, actually.

"Jack's a dick," Neil said succinctly. "But he's falling in line."

Katelyn had a hard time imagining anyone uncowed in the face of Neil's icy stare. In some ways, he frightened her just as much as Andrew. There was a reason he’d appeared in her nightmares. ”I'm glad he's not causing as many problems anymore," she settled on saying, for the lack of anything better.

They lapsed into that toxic silence again. Neil didn't seem bothered, but it irked Katelyn. Admittedly, she was chatty when she was nervous. From what she could tell, unless a reporter had a mike in his face, Neil was the exact opposite. No wonder he didn't like her.

It took everything she had to hold her tongue all the way to the coffee shop. Neil hung by her side as they got in line, but his attention was occupied by his flip-phone. She watched discretely as he slowly tapped out a message. There was something soft about his mouth when he hit send; for a second, she wondered if he was texting Andrew.

He ordered a black coffee. She got a frappuccino, and then led them to a small table in a deserted corner as soon as they'd retrieved their drinks. She wasn't surprised when Neil took the chair with its back to the wall.

"Look," she said, as soon as they'd both sat down. She wasn't going to deal with any more stilted small talk. "I wanted to talk to you about Aaron and Andrew."

This piqued his interest in a way nothing else she'd ever done had. It was almost like his features got sharper, although Katelyn suspected it was simply the result of the dreamy inattention leaving his face. "Is something wrong with Aaron?" he asked.

"No—or not anything urgent," she said. There was always something wrong with Aaron. The other girls often accused her of wanting someone to fix, but it wasn’t like that for her. She just liked that he refused to let anything that had happened to him keep him from his goals. And she liked that he was willing to show her his weaknesses and lean on her when he needed to.

Neil's bright eyes fixed on her face as she tried to find the right words. "I've just been thinking a lot about their relationship. They’re better, but still—I want Aaron to have a family, not just relatives. He could have that without Andrew, but he shouldn't have to."

He appeared to absorb what she said, at least. "Andrew cares a lot about Aaron," he replied. She thought he was being just as careful with his words as she had been with hers. "But he's never going to show it like other people."

A part of her wanted to say, "No shit." But then she remembered Andrew's revelation about Drake— _He wanted us both_ — and swallowed down the sarcasm. "I know," she admitted."And Aaron cares about Andrew. But they can still hardly stand to spend time around each other. When we all graduate, I don't want them to just disappear from each others’ lives entirely.”

“Andrew won’t try to keep Aaron when he goes,” Neil said. He sounded very confident in that; Katelyn wondered if it was because the two of them had talked about it or if he just knew Andrew that well. “They don’t have a deal anymore. He’ll let Aaron go.”

“And Aaron won’t reach out if he thinks he’s not wanted,” she returned. Which brought her to her point: “It might be up to us.”

Clearly not having seen this turn coming, Neil blinked at her. “Andrew hates you,” he stated, blunt and matter-of-fact.

“And Aaron hates you.”

She regretted it as soon as she said it. But Neil’s mouth just quirked at the corner, unwounded. “The feeling’s mutual,” he said, which answered at least one of her longstanding questions. “And I know you’re scared of Andrew.”

Of course he did. He’d stood by as his boyfriend had pinned her to the wall like a bug. Katelyn took a quick sip of her frappuccino to keep from blurting anything else out. God, she really did not like him sometimes. “My feelings don’t matter,” she finally said. “Aaron’s do. I can deal with Andrew if we can just get them to talk to each other…”

“What’s your idea?” Neil prompted when she trailed off.

Here, she faltered. “I was hoping you would have one,” she admitted. “You figured them out last time, so I thought…” She flushed and fiddled with the straw of her drink. “Or we could come up with something together. It’s just that I don’t know Andrew.”

It was Neil’s turn to nod and drink his coffee. His eyes went slightly unfocused as he looked out the window for a long moment. “I’d have to think about it,” he said. He sounded less than enthused. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to come up with something.” His gaze slid downwards to where his phone was resting on the edge of the table. “Betsy’s supposed to be fixing them, you know. She told me she would.”

She remembered him saying something of the sort when they’d initially met. “I think she’s helping,” Katelyn said. “But Aaron doesn’t trust her. He still thinks of her as Andrew’s therapist, not his. He thinks if it comes down to it, she’ll take Andrew’s side.”

From the look on his face, Neil didn’t disagree. She’d expected a little more faith from the person who’d steered Aaron toward Betsy in the first place. But again, Neil hadn’t been looking out for Aaron.

“Well,” Katelyn continued, trying to drag the conversation back on topic, “there has to be something else we can do.”

“Maybe,” Neil allowed with another halfhearted shrug. “We’d have to be careful about timing, though. I don’t want the team dynamic to get screwed up again.”

He would be more concerned about the team, Katelyn thought bitterly. Asking him had been a mistake; that was clear now. His initial reluctance proved he wasn’t willing to butt in anymore than he already had. He didn’t care about Aaron or his relationship with Andrew. And he certainly wasn’t in the business of helping her. She remembered how frightened she’d been as she’d waited for his response the day the cars had been trashed. She’d seen Andrew attack Allison from across the lot and been unable to get any closer. Not wanting to risk anything with Andrew in a temper, she’d reached out to Neil instead of Aaron, but no reassuring reply had ever come.

She supposed she should thank him for that. Those hours of waiting had finally prompted her to put her foot down. But when she thought about how easy it would have been for him to just let her know that everything was okay, she couldn’t forgive him.

She couldn’t forgive him for the nightmares that still plagued her either.

“Just let me know if you think of something,” she said finally, gripping the cold plastic of her cup tightly between her hands. “You have my number. Or, you know where the cheer house is—”

“Yeah,” he cut her off. He fidgeted with his own cup, which was still mostly full. “Do you mind dropping me off at the court?”

That was coffee done, apparently. “Yeah,” she echoed. “Sure.” She wondered why he’d even agreed to meet her in the first place—sheer curiosity? “Come on, I’ll drive you now.”

They didn’t speak again for the next ten minutes of the drive.

 

* * *

 

Katelyn had strong feelings about keeping secrets: namely, don’t. The only time she had really tried was for Aaron, and that had been an indication of exactly how gone she was for him—as well as proof that she just wasn’t good at it. Their “secret relationship” had been a running joke among both the Exy team and the Vixens.

Not keeping secrets didn’t always mean telling the whole truth, though.

“I spoke with Neil,” she told Aaron the next evening on their weekly Thursday night date. Most of the time, their dates ended up just being the two of them taking advantage of her empty dorm room or studying frantically. But a new vegetarian restaurant had opened less than a mile off campus and the weather had been good, so she’d dragged Aaron out for a walk and a meal. The empty room would still be there when they got back, she reasoned.

He’d let her order; Aaron didn’t have strong feelings about food and he trusted her judgment. They’d been talking about plans for his birthday and he’d been as loose and relaxed as he ever got in public, his single dimple showing when he smiled softly at her. As soon as she mentioned Neil’s name, though, his shoulders hiked up again.

“Why would you do that?” he asked.

“I guess I’m still curious about you and Andrew,” she confessed. “Neil wasn’t much help though.” Try none.

Aaron stabbed a piece of sautéed tofu with his fork. “He never is. And I don’t know why you’re so obsessed with it.”

There wasn’t really a good answer to give him. Anything she said was likely to upset him. She should have waited until before he left for Columbia the next day to tell him, instead of ruining their date night. “I mean,” she started and then sighed. Rubbing a hand over her face, she stopped trying to hide anything from him. “Is there any part of you that wants to know him any better?”

“Neil?”

“No. Andrew.”

“No,” Aaron stated simply. When she looked at him, she couldn’t see any signs he was lying. “I know enough.”

Katelyn studied her plate, pushing a few of the noodles around until they formed a spiral. They looked like shoelaces. “Will you keep in touch, do you think?” she asked softly.

“Don’t think he’ll really want much to do with me. Maybe a little. I don’t know.”

She glanced back up when he exhaled and caught him running a hand through his hair. For the first time since Katelyn had met him, it looked different than his brother’s. After Andrew had gotten an industrial, making the twins semi-easily distinguishable for the first time ever, Aaron had gone and gotten a crew cut. Katelyn had been flustered when he’d showed up at her dorm with his hair neat and tidy, making his face somehow more angular in the best kind of way. She’d wanted to drag him in by the short strands at the nape of his neck, even knowing she wouldn’t get a grip. She should have done that instead of starting this conversation, she thought miserably.

“Look,” Aaron continued, “you’re my number one priority. I’m planning my life around you. And if he has a problem with that, then he’s not going to be a big part of it.”

Katelyn no longer wanted to eat any of her meal. “You think you’d have a better relationship with him if it wasn’t for me?”

“No, I—” Aaron reached over and squeezed her hand. “Without you, we’d still have our deal, and I’d still be planning to ditch him as soon as I graduated. At least now, we’re doing better than that. He’s just always going to be crazy about some things.”

In other words, he would never accept her presence in Aaron’s life. Or the presence of any woman in Aaron’s life, for that matter. Andrew was indiscriminate that way.

“I don’t want to be a roadblock in your relationship,” she said. “I want our life together to have him in it, for your sake.” She rubbed her thumb over the knobs of his knuckles. As always, they were faintly dry but otherwise unmarred. Aaron cared for his hands with the dedication of a future surgeon. “Could Betsy help him get used to the idea of me?” she asked tentatively.

Aaron looked away, suddenly tense. “We’ve talked about it,” he admitted shortly. “About you.” He paused and a muscle in his jaw jumped. “And about Neil.”

He stopped speaking there. It was an abrupt, disjointed confession, but Katelyn thought she could put it together. “So,” she said, disapproval leaking into her voice, “Andrew isn’t the only one with a problem.”

Immediately, he scowled, an expression tight with repressed emotion. Aaron on the defensive was a disturbingly familiar sight. “It’s different,” he insisted, temper out in full force. “I put up with him all the fucking time. He’s always around—at practice, in the dorms, on TV even. Is it too much to ask that I don’t have to see his face again after graduation? Andrew won’t even stay in the same room as you now.”

The waiter—who had been swiftly approaching their table—pivoted and walked away. Katelyn sighed, taking her hand back so she could cross her arms. “Maybe you need to compromise. You know, show him you’re willing to—”

“Why? Why do I have to? I’m always the one compromising for him or making concessions for him. He can do it this time.”

Aaron’s jaw was set. Katelyn knew that look; sheer stubbornness had carried Aaron through most of his life, and his mind wasn’t easy to change once he’d made it up. He hadn’t spoken to his own brother for years because he’d felt wronged, after all. She wouldn’t budge him on this, especially when he felt like he was partially fighting for her.

“Neil’s not that bad,” she tried as a last-ditch effort.

Aaron snorted. Loudly.

“Okay, okay.” She held her hands up in surrender. “He’s a horrible person and you’re totally justified in hating his guts. Better?”

When he narrowed his eyes like that, he looked even more like his brother—not that she would tell him that. “It’s not stupid,” Aaron defended himself bitterly. “You don’t know him. He’s smug and nosy, and everyone else thinks he’s the fucking shit for some reason.”

His weak spots were showing. Katelyn doubted he and Neil would have been friends ordinarily, but the depth of his hatred was clearly fueled by jealousy. “I’m not his biggest fan,” she reminded him. She’d told him exactly how frightened she’d been that day in the library. “But if I had to spend time with him to see my sister, I wouldn’t blink—”

“It’s different,” he interrupted her and then didn’t bother explaining how. To be fair, it was mostly self-explanatory. Katelyn and her sister had had their struggles, but the Minyards took things to a whole other level. “Besides, it’s a moot point. Andrew is still against you.”

As she’d thought, that was his sticking point. “Alright,” Katelyn said with false bravado, giving in. “I’ll work on winning Andrew over.”

His eyes went wide. He was so cute when he was surprised. “Wait—”

“How hard can it be?”

“Katelyn, I really think—”

“After all,” she said with an overblown wink, “I convinced you, didn’t I?”

It had taken some doing too. She’d spent the better part of a semester coaxing Aaron into trusting her. She’d known he was interested from the start, but he’d baffled her with his reluctance to date or even be friends. She hadn’t realized where that reluctance was coming from until she was already in too deep to want to back out.

His gaze softened as he realized she was joking. “Yeah,” he agreed, a faint blush warming his pale cheeks. “You did.”

She leaned across the table and let him kiss the smile off her lips.

 

* * *

 

Every Friday, Aaron would kiss her goodbye after the game and pile into his brother’s Maserati with Kevin, Nicky, and Neil and leave for Columbia, only to return midmorning Saturday hungover and invariably grumpy.

And every Friday, Katelyn watched him go, equal parts glad that she hadn’t destroyed every part of Aaron’s relationship with his family and stupidly bitter that he could so easily leave her behind. On Friday nights when the other Vixens were celebrating a win or mourning a loss by getting plastered and hooking up, she left her room at the cheer house to Tanya and Emma and went to the library. She studied past midnight most times, only pausing to admire the way Aaron’s texts got increasingly nonsensical. But at some point, even those stopped coming.

That Friday morning, she was already anticipating more of the same when Neil’s number popped up on her phone.

Mystified, she swiped to open the message.

_Any ideas yet?_

He was checking up on her.

Katelyn pressed a hand over her mouth to stop herself from giggling aloud. Checking up, like he wanted to keep tabs on her. Checking up, like he was worried about what she might do. Checking up, like she was the wildcard in all this.

If he’d been the one to come to her, she would have done the same exact thing. She would have constantly worried about him doing something without consulting her and screwing everything up with Aaron. She had before.

The role reversal was hysterical.

_Not yet. Aaron says the issue is us._

_You and me?_

For two people with nothing in common, she and Neil got lumped together an amazing amount. Maybe it was time to dye her hair again—she was sick of being a redhead.

_Yes. He says neither of them are willing to compromise._

_Has he asked?_

Katelyn frowned at the words. They didn’t make any sense to her.

_What do you mean?_

Neil’s response was a long time in coming. So long that she had to stow her phone to walk to her first class of the day. When she pulled it back out at her desk, the reply had only just come in.

_Has he asked Andrew for whatever he wants?_

_He just said they talked about it with Betsy and it didn’t help._

Again, his answer took agonizingly long. It was probably the fault of his ancient phone. She had to look away from the professor’s lecture to see his delayed response.

_Call me when you’re out of class. I don’t have any until 2._

After that, the rest of the lecture was a lost cause.

What could Neil Josten have to say that couldn’t be communicated through text? A phone call would force him to actually devote a portion of his attention to her, something she’d believed him to be generally unwilling to do. She reread their texts and didn’t see anything worth getting alarmed about. But then, she didn’t really know him. And he’d told her to call.

She jogged back to her room after class, even though she should have gone and snagged a quick snack at the athletes’ cafeteria before lab. She had to wait until her breathing evened out to call.

Gratifyingly, he responded to phone calls more quickly than texts. “Katelyn?”

Did his phone even have caller ID? “Hi,” she said. Her voice was still annoyingly breathy, although now it was more from nerves than anything. “You asked me to call?” Somehow, it tilted into a question, even though she knew he had.

“Yeah, give me a second.” The sound of muted footsteps and rustling came through the line. When Neil spoke again, his voice was echoey, like he was in a bathroom. “Thanks for calling.”

“No problem.”

“Aaron should make a new deal.”

The transition was so abrupt—nonexistent, really—that it took her a second to process the words. “What?” she asked. “Wasn’t the whole problem that those deals are bad?”

“No,” Neil said. “The problem was that Aaron never expected either of them to keep up their ends and got upset when Andrew did. And the things they were promising weren’t that smart anyway.” Of course, that came second for him. “Now Aaron knows Andrew will keep his word. They can make a new deal—a better one.”

Katelyn sank onto her bed. “Like what?”

“If the issue is that Andrew doesn’t want you around and Aaron doesn’t want me around, they can both promise to put up with us.”

He sounded calm, sure, confident. Given how well he seemed to know Andrew, this plan might actually stand a chance of working. But she knew Aaron too well to really believe that.

“Aaron won’t go for it,” she told him. “I don’t think he’ll ever make another deal with Andrew. Besides, he thinks he’s always the one to make the first move or give things up. He wants Andrew to concede something first this time.”

It sounded so childish when said aloud. Katelyn couldn’t imagine what Neil thought of it. Nothing good, she gathered from his silence.

“What are his problems?” Neil asked eventually.

She couldn’t keep herself from laughing. “Andrew literally threatened to kill me if I spoke to him. Aaron had to switch dorms to feel safe bringing me around. He thinks he’ll have to pick between having me in his life and having Andrew around.”

Neil started speaking and then stopped himself. “It’s not about you,” he said. “It’s about—”

“Aaron breaking the deal, I know,” she interrupted him recklessly. She was so done with hearing that. “It’s not fair, though, because Andrew broke his deal too. For you! And Aaron still has to be around you. Hell, you go to Columbia with them every Friday. I’ve never even seen his childhood home and you—”

“Would you want to?”

Katelyn’s mouth was still a little open from being cut off. She snapped it closed and curled her hand tighter around her phone. “Want to what?”

“Go to Columbia.” Neil sounded like he was in earnest, even though what he was saying was insane. “Would you want to go to Columbia with us?” he repeated when she didn’t reply.

“Would—” She cleared her throat. “Would Andrew let me?”

“I can ask.”

She’d heard about Neil’s magical asking. From what Nicky and Aaron said, it was as close to a done deal as she would get.

“Yes,” she said firmly before he could change his mind. “I would owe you one.”

He didn’t deny that. “No guarantees,” he warned her. “And if you come, you’ll still have to follow his rules.”

Meaning she wouldn’t be allowed to talk to Andrew. “Okay,” she agreed.

“And it would be Andrew giving something up,” Neil said, laying it out bluntly. “So Aaron should be more willing to work things out after that.”

Katelyn wondered if there was anything with those two that didn’t come with a price tag. “I think he will be,” she said, hoping she was right. “When will I know whether I can go?”

“Later today,” Neil replied extremely unhelpfully. “I’ll let you know.”

Then he hung up.

Katelyn stared at the phone in her palm. There were only fifteen minutes left before her lab and she had to get across campus. She was going to have to starve through it. And she might be going to Columbia that night. Her Friday routine was truly disrupted beyond repair.

 

* * *

 

“Stop staring at that thing,” Tanya told her in the locker room before the game. Katelyn hadn’t been able to go more than ten minutes without checking her phone the whole day. So far, there had been radio silence from Neil and it was getting done to the wire.

Emma peeked over as Katelyn hastily stowed her phone in her bag. “Is Aaron sending you dirty texts?” she asked mildly.

“No!” Katelyn’s cheeks were hot with embarrassment, even though she’d never sexted in her life. Aaron would occasionally say things in bed, but both of them felt too awkward to engage in anything besides mild flirting over the phone.

“Is someone _else_ sending you dirty texts?” Tanya waggled her eyebrows. Katelyn smacked her arm in retaliation.

“It’s probably Neil,” Marissa butted in. The girls around all burst out giggling; it was hard to imagine someone more unlikely to send dirty texts than Neil. But Marissa bristled as if she hadn’t been joking. “It’s true,” she protested. “Joel from basketball said he saw them all cozy at the Starbucks off campus.”

Tanya put her hands on her hips, eyebrows raised. “That’s ridiculous,” she said flatly. “You need to stop reading all those conspiracy theories on Buzzfeed.”

“Actually,” Katelyn said. Everyone immediately whipped around to stare at her and there were several gasps. “Whoa!” She raised her hands in the air. “I was just going to say Neil and I did get coffee. But we were talking about Aaron and Andrew.”

“Jeez, girl, you nearly killed me.” Dramatically swooning onto one of the benches, Tanya pressed a hand over her heart. “‘Actually.’ Oh my god.”

“See, I was sort of right,” Marissa added petulantly.

“You thought I was cheating on my boyfriend with someone who doesn’t even like women,” Katelyn snapped. “You were not in any way right.”

The other girls snickered. As Marissa slunk off, they settled back into getting ready, chattering in their own small groups. Tanya, Katelyn, and Emma glared at Marissa until she left the locker room entirely.

“That girl…” Tanya shook her head. “Someone needs to knock some sense into her.”

“She’s still in denial about Neil,” Emma said sagely. She tugged at Katelyn’s ponytail a little, centering it. “Why _are_ you obsessing over your phone, though?”

Covertly, Katelyn glanced around to make sure no one else was still listening. Then, she lowered her voice and murmured, “Neil said he’d talk to Andrew about letting me go to Columbia with them tonight.”

“Oh my god,” Tanya and Emma said in perfect unison, both of their eyes going wide.

“Girl,” Tanya breathed, “what did you do to get in so good with Neil?”

Katelyn laughed at the ridiculousness of that idea. It would take too long to explain how she’d actually managed to back him into this, so she went with, “It’s complicated. But he told me he’d get back to me before tonight and he hasn’t yet.”

The girls exchanged looks. “Maybe he’s going to leave it until the last minute?” Emma suggested. “Like, spring it on Andrew and hope for the best.”

“Maybe,” Katelyn agreed. From what she knew of Andrew, she couldn’t see that going over well. But Neil had a much better gauge, clearly.

“Now I’m going to be wondering about this the whole game,” Tanya muttered.

“Welcome to my world.”

Katelyn’s phone buzzed.

All three of them practically dove for the bag. Katelyn managed to drag the phone out of its pocket after what felt like a herculean effort to get the zipper open. Its screen was lit up with a message from Neil.

_We’re leaving an hour after the end of the game. Meet us at Andrew’s car._

“Well?” Tanya hissed.

“He said yes,” Katelyn told her blankly. Until that moment, she hadn’t really thought he would. It’d seemed too good to be true.

“What?” Tanya grabbed the phone out of her hand. She and Emma smashed their heads together to read.

Emma turned to her with worried eyes. “How are you even going to get ready that fast?”

“It doesn’t matter if she goes in a trash bag as long as she goes” was Tanya’s contribution.

“I don’t really want to go in a trash bag, though,” Katelyn said. Already, she was trying to figure out the logistics of it all. “If I drive back to the house right after the game and shower there, I can probably get ready really quick and make it back here in time.”

Looking at her skeptically, Tanya snorted. “Not the way you drive.” Before Katelyn could get offended—just because _she_ obeyed the speed limit—Tanya waved a hand. “I’ll drive instead. Emma can come as well, and then we can help you get made up. Six hands are faster than two.”

That would mean the two of them missing out on postgame celebrations and arriving late to the Vixens’ weekly party. Katelyn shook her head. “You guys don’t have to—”

Emma covered her mouth with her hand. “We aren’t going to let you go looking anything less than totally awesome.”

Katelyn peeled her hand away and smiled. Normally she would have fought harder, but she really hadn’t been sure how she’d manage everything. “You guys are the best,” she told them, wrapping her arms around their shoulders. “I promise I’ll tell you everything when I get back.”

“As you should!” Tanya dug her fingers into Katelyn’s side, making her giggle. “I want to know every fucking detail. Up to and including the actual fucking.”

Flustered, Katelyn stuttered through what might have been a retort. Midway through, Emma patted her back. “Maybe not that much detail, actually.”

 

* * *

 

It was the Foxes’ fourth game of the season. So far, their strategy had been to put a mix of veteran and freshmen Foxes on the field at all times to get the new members integrated. Without the experienced players dominating the field, the team wasn’t nearly as cohesive, making matches a lot more chancy. Their opponents took advantage of that, targeting the rookie players ruthlessly. The Vixens tried to keep team spirits up, but Katelyn could practically feel the irritation oozing off the field—and she could definitely hear it, especially from Kevin.

The only one who seemed unaffected was the remote figure of Andrew in the goal. He batted errant shots away with a cool ease, making up for the damage his freshman sub had allowed before him.

Through his and Renee’s efforts, the Foxes managed to scrabble together an 8-7 win. Katelyn waved her pom-poms a few times in celebration before rushing off court. She, Tanya, and Emma made a beeline for her car, leaping in and screeching out of the parking lot before postgame traffic could get too intense.

“Go, go, go, go,” Emma urged pounding on the back of Tanya’s headrest as she drove.

“I’m going!” Tanya yelled back as she barreled through a questionable yellow light.

As soon as they got into the room, Katelyn stripped and ducked into the shower, scrubbing as quickly as possible. Luckily, she’d shaved the previous evening, so her maintenance was relatively minimal. Tanya already had the blowdryer going when she got out. “Sit here,” she told Katelyn. “I’m going to blow out your hair while Emma does your makeup.”

“That’ll take forever!” Katelyn protested, even as she sat with her towel wrapped around her. “If you just put it up in a bun—”

“No!” The two of them chorused. Emma grabbed her chin and angled her face upwards. “We’ll make it in time,” she promised. “Now close your eyes and don’t move.”

Detangling and blowing out each layer of Katelyn’s hair was an extensive process she didn’t go through often. Most of the time, she just pushed it into a bun, ponytail, or braid, refusing to deal with it. But Tanya—who was notorious for spending hours on her own hair—managed to slim the process down by half the time. Katelyn couldn’t deny that the end product looked good.

“You look killer,” Emma said, running an admiring hand over Katelyn’s hair. “Now, go get dressed.”

They’d all seen the boys in their all-black gear, so it was no surprise that Tanya and Emma had stuck with that color story. Katelyn shimmied into the skirt and top they’d laid out, but raised an eyebrow at the heeled combat boots. They weren’t hers. In fact, she suspected they’d been pilfered from Lauren’s closet.

“In case you need to kick him in the balls,” Tanya informed her. “You need something with heft.”

“Which him?”

“Any of them,” Emma said breezily. “Up to and including Aaron if he decides to be a dick. Come on, hurry, we’ve only got twelve minutes left.”

Katelyn laced up the boots without any further questions.

There was only a minute left when Tanya whipped Katelyn’s Subaru back into the parking lot at the Foxhole Court. Katelyn could see a small cluster of figures around Andrew’s Maserati. “Go get ‘em,” Tanya said, squeezing her shoulder firmly. Taking a deep breath, Katelyn nodded and got out of the car.


	2. Chapter Two

Aaron was the first to spot her and he instantly broke away from the group. “Hey,” he said as soon as he was close enough to wrap his hands around her waist. He looked her up and down and she felt hot under his gaze. “You look amazing. Is this why I didn’t see you after the game?”

A little self-conscious—she almost never got dressed up, not even for him—Katelyn tucked some hair behind her ear. A moment later, it sprang back out. “Yeah. I was afraid I wouldn’t make it in time, though.”

His forehead creased. “In time for what?”

He seemed genuinely confused. Katelyn’s stomach dropped; there was no way he knew. Had the whole thing been some sort of cruel joke at her expense? She glanced over at the others. Neil was looking back. When he caught her eye, he gestured for her to join them.

Relieved that he wasn’t going to pretend he didn’t know why she was there, Katelyn managed a smile for Aaron. “I’m going with you tonight,” she told him, praying that was still true. Gently, she pulled his hands off her waist, threading their fingers together as he gaped at her. “Come on,” she urged, pulling him toward the car.

He was impossible to budge beyond the first few steps. “You can’t,” he said. “Andrew will—”

The Maserati’s horn blared. Neil hung out of the passenger side window. “Are you coming?” he called.

“I think he’ll actually have Andrew leave without us if we don’t get in,” Katelyn said, giving Aaron another tug. “Don’t worry—I got permission to tag along.”

Aaron’s eyes flickered between her and the car. “This is a really bad idea.” He sounded fearful in a way she hadn’t heard since just before his trial, when he’d crawled into her bed and asked what would happen to them if he was locked away. “You don’t know them like I do. I don’t want—”

The horn blasted twice more.

“It’ll be okay,” she reassured him again. “Andrew won’t touch me as long as I follow his rules.”

This time when she pulled he followed, although he still looked faintly horrified. Nicky and Kevin stared at them curiously when Katelyn opened the door to the backseat; clearly, they hadn’t been informed of the change in plans either. Apparently, it had been too much to hope that Neil would ease her way at all.

“I’m coming,” she told them. She looked at the three seats in the back and sighed. “We’ll have to squish.”

Both of them turned to the figure in the driver’s seat. Andrew showed no sign of noticing. It was Neil who said, “You heard her.”

Nicky was the first to recover from this shock. “Right,” he said faintly, and scooted over into the middle seat. “I guess you and Aaron can share.”

Beside her, Aaron stiffened. “She’s not getting in the car if she can’t wear a seatbelt properly.”

Suddenly, Katelyn remembered that Tilda Hemmick had died in a car crash with Andrew in the passenger seat. The familiar fear from her nightmares trickled down her spine.

For the first time, Andrew moved. He rolled his head to the right to look at Neil. Katelyn couldn’t read anything in his expression, but apparently Neil could.

“Fine,” he said. Katelyn couldn’t tell which of the twins he was talking to—maybe both. He unbuckled his seatbelt and hopped out of the passenger side door to stand next to her and Aaron. “Kevin, you’re up front. Katelyn can take the middle and Aaron and I can share a seat.” He held up a hand before Aaron could even begin to object. “We’re the only two that will fit.”

It was a fair point. Even though Aaron was broad-shouldered, especially for his height, Nicky still took up considerably more space. Everyone began shuffling around accordingly. As she clambered in, Katelyn heard Neil mutter to Aaron, “He wouldn’t have crashed the fucking car.”

“Maybe if I’d known about this, I’d be a little less suspicious,” Aaron hissed back. It was the most words she’d ever heard him say directly to Neil.

Unsurprisingly, Aaron took the side of the seat closest to her while Neil clung to the door. It looked like he was trying to touch Aaron as little as possible. It took all three of them to get the seatbelt buckled, partially because Neil was straining away the whole time.

“Well, this is incredibly unsafe,” Nicky said cheerfully as Andrew twisted the key in the ignition and the car roared to life. A second later, electronica began blaring from the speakers. Katelyn only barely resisted the urge to put her hands over her ears.

It was a good thing she did, because Aaron leaned in seconds later to yell in her right ear, “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

She had to twist in her seat to respond. There was honest betrayal on his face. “I didn’t know until right before the game,” she yelled back, lips brushing the downy hair around his ear. “I didn’t have time to text you.”

To be fair, she doubted she would have told him anyway. She was sure he would have talked her out of it. She had a hard time putting her foot down with him, mostly because she just didn’t like doing it; it had taken every ounce of conviction she had to do it the last time.

It was too loud for them to really talk, so Aaron had to let it drop. From the look he shot her, though, Katelyn knew the conversation was far from over.

Even the noise couldn’t totally stop Nicky from talking, however. He grinned awkwardly at her when a sharp turn threw her into him; they were practically plastered together. “So I’m guessing you talked to Neil?”

Katelyn let out a short burst of laugher. Neither of them had expected this result when he’d suggested she reach out—although, given Neil’s history of managing the seemingly impossible, maybe they should have. “Yeah,” she agreed. “I talked to Neil.”

The three of them passed the time by playing games on Nicky’s phone. Neil ignored them completely, seemingly content with staring out the window.

Andrew was similarly occupied by the road, which was a good thing because his driving put even Tanya’s to shame. Maybe he derived some joy from making excessively fast turns and changing lanes every five seconds. Several times, Katelyn had to brace herself with a palm on the ceiling and another clutched around Aaron’s thigh.

It was a relief when Andrew skidded into the parking lot at Sweeties. Katelyn recognized it from Aaron’s description, as well as her own discrete Googling. The moment the car was parked, Neil threw the door open, squirming out of the seatbelt and nearly vaulting out of the car. Aaron followed at a only slightly more leisurely pace.

As soon as Katelyn climbed out, Aaron twined their hands together and pulled her tight against his side. The height difference between them was even more pronounced with her in heels; he would have to push up on his toes to kiss her without her leaning down. “Stay with me the whole time, okay?” he murmured, eyeing the others.

“No problem,” she reassured him. “The only reason I’m here is to spend time with you.” It was mostly true. If she could help repair his relationship with Andrew further, that would be a pleasant bonus.

Aaron shot another look at the others, who were already filing into the diner. “There are better ways to spend time with me.”

She sighed. Maybe she’d been foolish, but she’d expected him to be excited about her joining them. He spent most of his Friday evenings texting her about how much better it would be if she was there, after all. She plucked a stray piece of lint from his sleeve and tried to figure out what to say. “This is a whole part of your life I’ve never been able to see,” she decided on. “I want to know every part of you.”

He pressed a quick kiss beneath her chin. It had the side effect of hiding his face as he said, “This really isn’t a part of me.”

“It’s where you grew up,” she argued. “You’ve come here for years.”

“Yeah, but—” He cut himself off with a frustrated noise. “This isn’t really me. Not like I am with you.”

“Okay,” Katelyn said, even though she wasn’t really sure what he meant. “I’m sorry for not asking you. It’s just tonight. I won’t come again.”

Aaron rubbed the heel of his palm against his forehead. “That’s not what I meant,” he said. “Whatever. Let’s go in. The sooner we get this over with, the better.”

The resignation in his voice worried her, but she followed along.

Sweeties wasn’t much to look at on the inside, but it was packed with people their age. The other boys had commandeered a booth in the corner; Kevin, Andrew, and Neil were listening with varying levels of clear disinterest as Nicky chattered away.

He beamed up at them when they arrived. “Thank god you’re here, Katelyn. Maybe we’ll actually be able to have a conversation for once.”

Next to the rest of them, Katelyn probably looked talkative, even though she was known for being one of the quieter Vixens, nervous chattering aside. She smiled at Nicky as she slid in beside him, feeling slightly safer sandwiched between him and Aaron.

“We normally just get ice cream here before Eden’s,” Nicky informed her. Leaning in closer, he lowered his voice. “We used to get dust here as well, but Andrew stopped letting us.”

It was hard to keep from looking over at the man in question. It was equally hard to keep from looking at Aaron in askance; she knew he’d done some recreational drugs after getting sober, but she hadn’t realized how frequently he’d done them. “Why?”

Nicky shrugged. On her other side, Aaron snorted. Katelyn glanced over to see him scowling at Neil.

That answered that question. The last thing they needed was that particular fight. “Kevin,” Katelyn said hastily, changing the subject, “I caught a bit of Thea’s game the other day. She seems to be doing well.”

She’d really only see about three minutes of it at Tanya’s favorite bar, but it was a safe bet to say Thea Muldani was playing well. Kevin puffed up a little, pride in his eyes even as he said, “She was too stiff in the first half, but that block after she was subbed in during the second was very good.”

“Yeah,” Katelyn agreed. It was sweet to see how enamored Kevin was. “Tanya said there’re rumors she’ll actually accept Court this time around?”

Tanya worshipped Thea fervently. Part of it was her status as one of the top female players in a male-dominated sport, and part of it was Tanya’s unabashed adoration for any woman who refused to take any shit. Katelyn had absorbed an absurd amount of knowledge just from half-listening to Tanya’s postgame rants.

Kevin was equally happy to monologue about his girlfriend. The perpetual worried wrinkle between his brows smoothed out as he went into great depth about Thea’s stats, team, areas of improvement, and potential place in the Court lineup.

Midway through, Nicky let out a gusty sigh. “Do we really have to talk about Exy on a Friday night?”

Kevin’s lips pinched into a thin line, but Neil was the one that responded, “What else would we talk about?”

Looking around the table, it was pretty clear Exy was the only thing they all had in common. Katelyn wondered what they talked about when she wasn’t there—she had a feeling it wasn’t much different. Still, Nicky forged onward. “I don’t know,” he said dramatically. “Our lives? Our hopes? Our dreams?”

Solemnly, Neil nodded. Then he turned to Kevin. “Do you think rejecting Court the first time was actually good for Thea’s career?”

Nicky threw his hands up in the air.

 

* * *

 

After eating more ice cream than she was strictly comfortable with, it was hard to cram back into the car. No wonder Aaron always got such a horrendous hangover; Katelyn was not looking forward to seeing how ice cream interacted with copious amounts of alcohol on an otherwise empty stomach.

Luckily, the ride to Eden’s Twilight was relatively short. Katelyn nearly groaned when she saw the line out front, though. She’d been counting on getting inside immediately, doing a few shots, and then ditching the others to dance with Aaron, the solid heat of him pressed against her. Standing in line was the antithesis of that, and she was hardly dressed for it.

So she was relieved when they hopped out of the car—leaving Andrew to park it—and headed straight for the front of the line. “We still know most of the staff,” Aaron told her, wrapping an arm around her waist. His fingers stroked her hip through her clothes. “The bouncers always let us cut.”

True to his word, the two stocky men greeted them with smiles and fist-bumps. Aaron introduced her to them—“Katelyn, my girlfriend”—and then they were unceremoniously ushered in.

The boys made a beeline for the tables on the second level, quickly finding one and claiming it for their own. They couldn’t find quite enough chairs, though, so Aaron pulled her down into his lap instead.

“Aww, you two,” Nicky cooed. “It’s adorable, really. Hetero romance. I wish I had a camera.”

“Don’t be weird,” Aaron said, but Katelyn could hear the fondness in it.

When Andrew found them, he didn’t even spare a glance for their conjoined forms. Instead, having ascertained where they were, he turned to leave again. By some unspoken signal, Neil followed.

Nicky watched them go with a sigh. “Is it too much to hope they’ll forget about the drinks and go make out somewhere?”

Kevin looked at Nicky like he was crazy. “Forget about the drinks?”

Nicky flapped a hand at him. “You could get your own drinks for once, you know.” His eyes slid to Aaron and Katelyn. “I just worry about them. They barely even touch each other. Couples are supposed to be all cute and mushy and PDA-y.”

Katelyn shifted uncomfortably, abruptly aware of just how couple-y she and Aaron must have appeared. She didn’t want anyone—not Nicky, not Kevin, and certainly not Andrew or Neil—looking at the two of them and drawing some kind of comparison. She knew it was hypocritical, since she’d been doing just that with the twins, but her relationship was its own, not some mirror through which to view Neil and Andrew’s.

Aaron must have felt similarly, because she felt his body tense. Then, nonsensically, he said, “Maybe I should get the drinks.” His hands lifted to her hips to move her.

“Oh, you know it’s just a fantasy,” Nicky said. “There’s no way they’ll ditch us to hook up. Look, there they are with Roland right now—god, that has to be weird.”

There was a general feeling of agreement from the other two, but Katelyn was lost. “Who’s Roland?”

“He’s our favorite bartender. The one there, with the hair.” Nicky pointed. Katelyn could barely make out the figure opposite Neil and Andrew behind the bar. “Apparently he and Andrew used to hook up when we came here. But Neil doesn’t seem to have an issue with it at all.”

If Andrew and Neil already confused her, the idea of Andrew and anyone else was completely incomprehensible. At least Neil and him made a strange kind of sense. “Wow,” she finally said for lack of a better response. “That’s weird.”

“Exactly!”

She nudged Aaron. “When did you guys find out about this?” It couldn’t have been too long ago, since she knew Aaron had been completely unaware of Andrew’s sexuality pre-Neil.

Distaste flashed across his face, his usual expression when his brother’s dating life came up. “Last spring. Right after we found out about the two of them. It was already over by then.”

Katelyn tried to get a better look at Roland, but he’d disappeared in the crush of the other bartenders. Neil and Andrew had likewise vanished; they emerged by the table a minute later, Andrew carrying a tray full of drinks.

He set it down on the table and began distributing them into five clusters. Katelyn expected to be ignored and to have to share with Aaron, but Andrew pushed one of the clusters vaguely in her direction. Neil, on the other hand, received only one drink. She looked questioningly at him, but he didn’t seem bothered by it.

However, Aaron shifted beneath her restlessly. “Let’s share,” he said abruptly. “This is too much for one person anyway.”

She stared down at him. She knew exactly how much alcohol he could—and did—consume. For him to object to any amount was beyond strange. “What?” she asked, wondering if she’d heard wrong.

Neil snorted. There was faint disgust on his face as he looked at Aaron. “He’s afraid Andrew’s drugged your drinks like he drugged mine the first time I came here.”

The world did a slow, agonizing spiral. “What?” This time, her voice held no confusion. All five of the boys jerked their heads to stare at her. “He did _what_?” she asked again.

Aaron avoided her gaze, but Neil looked directly back at her, head tilted slightly to one side. He took his time before speaking, as if he was assessing her and weighing what he found against his words. “When I first came here,” he said slowly, “they drugged my drink to try to figure out my secrets. Aaron’s afraid we’ll do the same with you, even though there’s no reason to.”

There was never any reason to drug someone. She felt sick hearing him justify it. “Did you know about this?” she asked Aaron. “Did you know they were going to drug him?”

Clearly reluctant, Aaron dipped his chin once in a nod.

She could imagine it so easily: Neil, the way he was back then, wary and skittish, watching everyone like they would stab him in the back if he so much as glanced away. He would have been so panicked, drugged and outnumbered in a strange place where his opponents had home court advantage. Anything could have happened.

Abruptly, she stood. “I need to use the restroom,” she said mechanically.

Aaron reached out, trying to stop her. He looked so afraid, but she couldn’t think about that now. “Katelyn—”

“Don’t,” she snapped, jerking away. He flinched. “And don’t follow me,” she added for good measure.

She heard her name again behind her as she threw herself into the crowd, but she ignored it. All she could think of was finding a bathroom, getting away from the people and the music, and taking a second to just think.

She pushed through the first door she could find and blinked as cool air assaulted her feverish cheeks. Instead of finding the bathroom or a storage closet of some sort, she’d stumbled out of an emergency exit into an alley behind the club. She sucked in a grateful breath, closing her eyes as her heart slowly calmed its frantic beating.

Leaning back against the plaster exterior wall, she thought about pulling her cellphone out of her boot and calling Tanya to get a ride. The night hadn’t gone at all how she’d wanted it to—and shockingly, it wasn’t because of Andrew or even Neil. It was because Aaron wasn’t who she’d thought he was.

She’d loved his flaws from the start. They made him who he was as much as his virtues did. But this wasn’t a flaw or a mistake or an ill-advised choice. This, she could not excuse.

The ice cream had been a bad idea. It churned within her, and she thought about sticking her fingers down her throat so she could get rid of it. But both that and calling Tanya felt like too much work. Katelyn was sure if she tried to move even a little, she’d start crying and wouldn’t be able to stop.

In her effort to hold it together, she didn’t hear the emergency exit swing open again. She remained blissfully unaware of her new company until Neil said, “Katelyn.”

She almost lost her balance as she whirled to face him. He was hovering by the door, phone loosely held in one hand. He looked neither concerned nor relieved, merely intent, as he stared at her.

Pressing a hand to her chest, Katelyn sucked in a deep breath. “You scared me,” she said, even though it was obvious.

“Sorry.” He didn’t seem particularly apologetic. She wondered if he’d ever said that and meant it. He shifted back toward the door, attention already drifting away from her and back to his phone. “I’ll let Aaron know where you are.”

“Please don’t,” she blurted out. She didn’t want to see any of them at the moment—not Kevin, not Nicky, not Andrew, and especially not Aaron. She dragged her hand through her hair roughly; it was already tangled. “Can you just stay here with me for a moment?”

His eyes strayed down to his phone again, but after a long moment he nodded and tucked it away. He came to stand beside her, leaning against the alley wall as if this was a totally normal course of events. He didn’t look at her or even speak, but she could feel him waiting.

She kept her eyes on the opposite wall as she asked, “Did anything happen?”

He wasn’t stupid; he knew what she was talking about. “No,” he said evenly. “Andrew was just trying to get information out of me. I don’t remember much of it”—and her blood ran cold, because she knew those words like the beat of her own heart—“but apparently I paid a busboy to knock me out pretty quickly.”

“And you know for sure that nothing happened?”

Neil hesitated. Maybe he could sense just how much weight she was resting on that question. “Nothing that’s important now. Nicky kissed me a couple of times—”

“He did what?” Her words from earlier echoed. So stupid—she’d been under the impression Nicky and Aaron were unknowing and unwilling pawns in Andrew’s mechanisms. She’d been such an idiot. And she’d always thought of Nicky so fondly.

“He’s apologized,” Neil interjected into her fury. “He knows it was wrong. I’ve forgiven him. It’s fine.”

Katelyn laughed, semi-hysterical. “It’s not fine,” she spat out. “Anything could have happened to you. They could have done anything. Nicky took advantage—”

“It happened to me, not you.” There was something harsh and unfiltered about him as he spoke, and for the first time, Katelyn really thought she could see the kid who’d grown up in a home run by the mob. His eyes dared her to contradict him as he said, “It’s mine to feel how I want about it. Not yours.”

She wilted a bit, clumsily pushing her hair out of her face as she tried to find her way around his words. “I’m not trying to tell you how to feel,” she started, but he silenced her with a cutting look. She’d never truly appreciated just how cold his eyes could be. Slumping back against the wall, she swallowed down her nausea. “Sorry. I know it’s yours. It’s just hitting a bit close to home for me.”

He didn’t make any noise of interest or gesture for her to go on, but the expectant silence was more than enough for her in that moment. Every time she’d told this story before, she’d had to force it out, but this time it came naturally, tumbling from her mouth with ease.

“When I was fourteen,” she began, “I started dating a senior at my high school. He was the sort of boy every freshman girl wants—he was on the football team, and he’d pick me up for dates in his car and pay for food and drinks at the movie theater. I was so excited about it, about him.

“A few weeks after we started going out, he invited me to this party one of his friends was putting on. It was a big deal—for me at least—getting invited to a senior party. And he said my friends could come too, which—that was even better, you know?”

He probably didn’t actually, now that she thought about it. She darted a look at him, and sure enough, his expression was devoid of any recognition. At least he wasn’t staring at his phone.

She let herself just breathe for a moment before continuing. “I had a lot of high hopes for that party. I thought it would be this epic night we’d talk about for weeks and months afterwards.”

It had been, in the worst kind of way. “My friends and I got all dressed up and went together. And as soon as we got there, my boyfriend was getting me a drink and holding my hand and introducing me to people.”

She paused. “I don’t remember much of it,” she said, those words which were so damn familiar. “Nothing happened. But not because I was resourceful or figured out what was going on like you did. This other girl from the cheer squad—a junior, we’d only talked about once before—saw my boyfriend carrying me into one of the bedrooms. She could tell something was wrong with me, so she threatened to call the cops if he didn’t hand me over.

“She took me home to my family and told them what had happened. We went to the hospital and they tested me and everything. Someone had put roofies in my drink.”

“Was it him?” Neil asked. “Your boyfriend?”

Normally, this story was met with sympathy, hugs, and sometimes even tears. Aaron had threatened to go kill the guy. But Katelyn never could have guessed how good it would feel to tell someone and get none of that—only a steady gaze and a question, because Neil knew almost exactly how she’d felt.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I was so scared afterwards and I didn’t think I could handle pressing charges. Especially because—” Bile rose in her throat and she had to swallow it down again. “No one else would admit to seeing anything. My friends acted like nothing had happened, but I knew they must have noticed. Rachel—that’s the girl who saved me—said it was pretty obvious. So everyone just… let it happen. Because they were scared or didn’t care or—I don’t even know.”

She pressed her closed fist against her forehead, trying to rub away the building headache. “That’s why I’m so—” she gestured wildly to herself, the entire situation “—about this. They call themselves your friends and they let Andrew do that to you.”

This time, Neil didn’t jump down her throat. But he did say, “Aaron and I aren’t friends. And we certainly weren’t then.”

“No,” she agreed. “But I told him—I told him after we started dating what happened. I was so paranoid for so long afterwards, especially with guys. I wanted him to know it wasn’t him—that I trusted him and it was my own issues that might make me act weird about accepting drinks from him or drinking any alcohol I hadn’t bought myself. And I told him how much it fucked me up that people just stood by and let what happened happen. But after all that, when Andrew did that to you, he just—” She waved a hand at the thin air in front of her. “It’s bad enough that they did that to you, period. But I was so sure Aaron was the type of person who wouldn’t just stand by.”

Almost absentmindedly, Neil tugged at the hair at the nape of his neck. Instead of feeling ignored, Katelyn got the impression he was actually very focused on exactly what he was going to tell her. “It’s not like what that guy did to you,” he said. “It wasn’t about sex.”

Raising her eyebrows, she stared him down. But either he had the world’s best poker face or he really meant it, because he didn’t so much as blink. “Nicky kissed you,” she pointed out in the face of his nonchalance.

His nose wrinkled briefly, an abbreviated moue of distaste. It didn’t have any of the vehemence she’d expected; it was more like he was remembering an unpleasant encounter. “Nicky sometimes doesn’t think about how his actions will affect people,” Neil said. “Being drunk and high didn’t help.”

“But why did Andrew, Aaron, and Kevin let him do that?” It made her sick to imagine it, Nicky with his tongue down Neil’s throat while the rest of them watched impassively.

Neil frowned at her. “They didn’t know. Andrew was keeping Aaron and Kevin away from me because he thought I might be a threat. He told Nicky to keep me occupied while the drugs set in and sent the others away.”

“Oh,” she said. It was stupid to feel better; Aaron had still allowed the whole thing to go down. But she was reassured nonetheless that he hadn’t simply stood by while Neil was molested.

“Andrew would have killed him if he’d known.” It must have shown on her face that she didn’t quite believe him, because the line of his jaw went hard. “Consent is important to him.”

Right. She had forgotten. It was a hard thing to remember when it didn’t fit with her image of Andrew at all, even knowing that it could happen to anyone. She felt momentarily ashamed; she had the luxury of forgetting, but he certainly didn’t.

“I don’t think it was right, what they did,” Neil continued. “Just like I don’t think what they did to Matt was right, even if he did have a choice. But I understand why they did it.” His eyes flicked over her. “I don’t know how much Aaron told you about last year, but Andrew had good reason to be paranoid.”

Aaron hadn’t said much in their scraped-together moments. Sure, he’d spent the entire year stressed and anxious, but between hiding their relationship, his intense academic and athletic schedule, and his ever-tense family situation, it had seemed reasonable.

She didn’t want to admit to ignorance, that Aaron had kept yet more secrets, but there was no way to fake being in the loop. “It must have been something extreme,” she said, “to make you forgive them.”

His shoulders hitched up in what was becoming a familiar shrug. “I held a grudge for a long time. I got over it.” For the first time since the beginning of the their conversation, his hand strayed to the phone in his pocket. “It’s a long story. And I don’t know exactly what Aaron’s thoughts were on it.”

Of course not. That would mean they’d talked. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” Katelyn allowed, even though she felt burningly curious. She’d never seen Neil this open and focused on her before.

Neil waved a dismissive hand. “I don’t care. He might want to tell you himself, though.”

She pursed her lips. She still wasn’t sure she was ready to listen to Aaron’s justifications. “He had his chance.” She kept her chin raised as she looked at Neil. “I want you to tell me.”

“Okay,” he agreed, easy as breathing. And he did.

 

* * *

 

By the time he finished speaking, Katelyn’s feet were sore in her borrowed boots and Neil’s phone had been switched off so he could ignore it more easily. When she’d voiced her concern that the others would panic trying to find them, he’d held up his phone to show her a single text sent to Andrew minutes earlier.

_Found Katelyn. We’re fine._

It was the sort of thing that would have driven Aaron crazy if she’d done that to him. Maybe this was yet another way the twins were different, but somehow she didn’t think so.

Still, she was glad not to be interrupted as Neil told her about Riko Moriyama, international yakuza, Kevin’s hand, staged overdoses, and lawyers bought off in Oakland. She’d known things had been bad—it would have been hard to miss everything that had happened in the past year to the Foxes—but she’d never seen the black threads tying everything together.

“So,” Neil ended. He hadn’t explained Riko’s death, but after everything else she had a hard time believing it was really suicide. “That’s why they were all on edge.”

On edge was the nice way to put it. Katelyn was retroactively relieved she hadn’t known; she would have gone crazy with worry. “So,” she echoed, “ to sum it up, Andrew drugged you because he was afraid you were a spy for Riko Moriyama, who was the castoff son of the head of the United States’ most powerful crime syndicate and also obsessed with Kevin.”

“Yes.”

“And he really thought he would get coherent, truthful answers from you by drugging you?”

“He didn’t know me very well,” Neil admitted. “It might have worked with anyone else.”

“He’s even more insane than I thought he was,” Katelyn said with some degree of awe.

Neil’s mouth turned downwards. “He’s not crazy at all.”

She winced. “Not—sorry, I didn’t mean it like—although, that logic is a little—” She bit down on her lip, cutting herself off before the rambling could get worse. “I just meant that it seems like the whole _situation_ was insane, and he chose to involve himself in it even knowing that. That’s what’s crazy to me.”

“He made a deal with Kevin,” Neil said, as if that explained everything. Maybe it did for him. But the more Katelyn heard about Andrew’s deals, the less she understood them. All she knew for sure was that she had gotten off very lightly for her perceived transgressions. After all, Neil hadn’t even been a real threat, and Andrew had done his best to tear him to shreds.

“I guess I understand why Andrew drugged you, then,” she said, although she still wasn’t sure she had all the pieces. Andrew’s headspace was just too foreign to her. “But Aaron…”

Her words hung in the air. Neil sighed, dispelling them. “You’d have to ask him.”

It wasn’t the most reassuring answer. But reassuring wasn’t in Neil’s wheelhouse. “I will,” she promised, mostly to herself. “Tonight, if he’s not too drunk.”

“I don’t think they’re drinking.” Neil pulled his phone back out and jammed the power button down with his thumb. “Everyone started looking for you after you took off. They might still be looking.”

Katelyn’s eyebrows rose. “But you texted that you found me.”

“Just to Andrew.” His phone beeped to life and messages began buzzing in. He clicked the first one open and read it disinterestedly. “Yeah, looks like Andrew didn’t tell the others.”

She jolted away from the wall. Her feet—asleep in her heels—protested as pins and needles assaulted them. She flung her arms out to keep her balance as her right ankle nearly went out. “Shit. Aaron’s probably freaked out.”

Neil nodded absentmindedly, thumbing through his messages. “Yeah. Seems like it.” Without replying to anything, he flipped his phone closed and shoved it back in his pocket. “Are you ready to go back in?”

She wasn’t sure she was, actually, but the idea of letting Aaron continue frantically looking for her seemed unnecessarily cruel. “Yeah,” she agreed finally. Neil pushed himself off the wall and pulled open the emergency exit door. Music from inside flooded the alley. “Thank you,” Katelyn blurted out before they could be reabsorbed into the club, “for listening. And telling me.”

Neil looked back at her. His gaze remained clear and sharp. “You’re welcome,” he replied, instead of offering any platitudes.

She stuck close to him as they wove through the crowd back toward the table. Andrew and Kevin were the only ones still sitting there, and most of the alcohol remained on the table where she’d last seen it.

By the time she spotted them, Andrew was already watching. When they reached the table, he slid his phone across it to Neil. “Found Katelyn,” he said flatly, and it took Katelyn a second to realize he was parroting Neil’s text. “We’re fine.”

This seemed to be a question of some sort. But Neil just snorted and spun the phone back to Andrew. “Where are Aaron and Nicky?”

“I just texted them,” Kevin said. His eyes slid between Andrew and Neil. “How long ago did you find her?”

Neil ignored his question as well. He gestured to the drinks on the table. “If you want any, I can try them first for you,” he offered.

“No thanks,” she said, trying to pitch her voice just for his ears. She had a feeling Andrew heard anyway. “I’d be sick if I tried to drink now. But thanks.”

Neil nodded as if this was reasonable. She noticed he didn’t reclaim his drink from earlier either, although Kevin threw back a shot.

Aaron emerged from the crowd in a flurry of motion. As soon as he saw Katelyn, some of the tension drained from his face. He moved straight toward her, only to come to an abrupt halt a foot away as if realizing he might not be welcome.

“Katelyn,” he said. He sounded so young. “Are you okay?”

“Yes.” She didn’t attempt to bridge the space between them.

His eyes flickered over her shoulder. “Where have you been? We’ve been looking for you for the past half-hour.”

The words made her feel like a child—as if this was some kind of warped game of hide and seek. “I was talking to Neil,” she said, keeping her voice even.

Fury bloomed over his face in a splash of red. “And you didn’t tell me?” he spat at Neil behind her. “You fucker, I’ve been—”

“I asked him not to.” Katelyn sidestepped in front of Aaron, blocking his view. She couldn’t help feeling protective of Neil in this place, surrounded by these people, even if he didn’t need it.

Aaron could read it on her, she knew, because his face went tight as he struggled with his emotions. He was always more likely to shut down than blow up when he was dealing with anything, and she watched him bury this anger. His face smoothed out and his jaw firmed as he reached for her. “Let’s get out of here,” he told her. There was no hint of pleading to be found, although she knew it was there. “We can get a taxi, go back to campus—”

“Or we can just go back to the house,” Neil interjected. Katelyn wanted to twist and face him, but Aaron’s fingers were looped around her wrist. Any movement would shake them off. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to or not. “I think we’re all done here.”

“We’re not going—” Aaron started, but Katelyn cut him off.

“The house sounds good,” she said. “If everyone’s ready to go?”

Kevin chugged the rest of his drink then leapt up from the table. “I’ll find Nicky,” he said. He left before anyone could stop him.

Andrew began rearranging the glasses, piling the empty ones on the tray. There were more full than empty, which Katelyn doubted was normal. As Andrew finished off two drinks himself, Aaron’s hand around her wrist tightened to the point of discomfort. She pulled free, turning around to whisper in Neil’s ear, “He’s not going to drive, is he?”

Neil was carefully still beside her. “He normally does,” he answered. “Alcohol doesn’t really affect him the same way.”

The rest was left unspoken, but Katelyn could figure it out: Andrew’s meds had had some kind of permanent impact on how he processed depressants and stimulants. It was true that he seemed completely unfazed by the—what, four, five—shots she’d seen him consume. Still, she knew plenty of people who could seem sober while blackout drunk.

Maybe some of her doubt radiated off her, because Neil said something in a language she didn’t understand. Andrew’s hands stilled and he looked flatly at Neil. They stared at each other for a long moment before Neil hiked up one shoulder and said something else. That seemed to settle it, because Andrew tossed something to him.

Neil caught it out of the air. “I’m going to go get the car,” he announced. Keys dangled from his fingers.

“I’ll go with you,” Katelyn volunteered quickly. She was hardly ready to be left with Aaron, let alone both twins.

“Me too,” Aaron said. When she glanced back at him, he was glaring at Neil.

Neil didn’t bother hiding his irritation. “We’ll just all go then.” He set off through the crowd, Andrew falling in naturally at his side. For a second, Katelyn thought she saw something, but the insight faded with the brush of Aaron’s fingers against her palm.

She moved after the two small black-clad figures, Aaron trailing close behind her. Most of the time, she found his compact shadow reassuring, but her temper, although hard to rouse, was also slow to die away. Brief fantasies flitted through her head—shoving him away, shouting at him, storming off and leaving him behind. She ground her teeth together and didn’t do any of that.

They probably looked ridiculous, trudging in silence to the car. Katelyn tried not to be self-conscious as they walked past the line outside. She just wanted to be someplace safe, away from everyone else. But she knew that as soon as they were at the house, Aaron would want to hash things out.

When they got to the Maserati, Neil headed for the driver’s side door. Katelyn felt a rush of such immense gratitude that her chest went hot. She swiftly climbed into the spot behind him as he adjusted his seat. She braced herself to be pummeled by music as soon as he turned the car on, but she only had to bear the electronica a few moments before he twisted the dial down to manageable volumes. This earned him another of Andrew’s long looks, but he didn’t seem to care.

Kevin and Nicky were waiting in front of Eden’s Twilight by the time they rolled up. Nicky wore his anxiety clearly on his face; Katelyn looked away so she wouldn’t have to face it.

After some struggling, the boys managed to fit themselves in the backseat. Aaron was pressed up against her side, due to the addition of the two much-taller boys, but she didn’t lean into it this time.

As soon as they pulled away, Nicky let out a deep breath. “Katelyn,” he said and continued all in a rush, like he’d been holding it in, “I’m glad you’re okay. We were all—well, most of us were—really worried when you didn’t come back.” His voice wobbled; she could hear the forced calm in it. “Everything happened a long time ago and—”

“I already told her everything,” Neil interrupted. The turn signal flicked on with a twitch of his fingers.

“Oh.” There was a pause and Katelyn hoped that would be the end of it. She was quickly disappointed. “So she understands, right? That we apologized and—”

Air hissed out through her teeth. Neil’s eyes met hers in the rearview mirror. “I told her you apologized,” Neil agreed, dodging the real question.

“So—”

“Nicky.” Katelyn closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against the window. It was soothingly cool. “I don’t really want to talk about it right now.”

After that, there was silence.

 

* * *

 

The house looked like every other two-story suburban house across America, if a little rundown. The lawn out front was an overgrown mess of weeds, and mail (mostly, it appeared, junk) spilled out of the mailbox near the door. Inside, it was something that passed for clean, but it was also startlingly barren; there was no furniture beyond the necessities, no knickknacks, no decoration. A stray Exy ball hugged a dust bunny in the far corner of the living room.

With little more than hurried good nights, Kevin and Nicky fled up the stairs to the bedrooms. Wordlessly, Andrew followed. Neil lingered for only a few moments longer. “We’re in the first bedroom by the stairs,” he told Katelyn, ignoring Aaron entirely. “Knock if you need anything.”

Ideally, she would have kept him with her, a shield against the upcoming conversation. But he’d already done more than enough. “Thank you,” she said. “Sleep well.”

She waited until his footsteps faded to turn to Aaron. The time in the car had been long enough for him to take refuge in his anger again. There was no guilt as he stared back at her. “Where’s your room?” she asked.

Silently, he led the way.

By unspoken agreement, they got ready for bed without saying anything. Katelyn was all too relieved to get out of her boots and makeup and change into one of Aaron’s t-shirts and a pair of his old Exy shorts, even if both were too short on her. Aaron was already waiting for her on the bed when she slipped back into the room.

Carefully, she seated herself on the other end of the bed, safely out of reach. The comforter was soft with a lifetime’s worth of washings and she dug her feet into it for reassurance.

Aaron was grounding himself similarly; the blanket was half in his lap and wrapped around his fists. “Are you okay?” he asked, which was probably his version of easing into things. Aaron was the type to pull the bandaid off slowly, even though he knew better.

“I’ve been better,” Katelyn answered. Even small talk with Neil was less stilted than this. She sucked in a deep breath and tried to lower her guard, to be open and honest with him the way she normally was. It was harder than usual; she hedged, “I don’t really know what I’m feeling at this point.”

The mass of comforter on Aaron’s lap shifted; she imagined him clenching his fists inside the padding. “What did he tell you?”

There was no question who he meant. Katelyn picked at the already chipping nail polish on her right toe. “Just about what was going on with Riko Moriyama and Kevin, and Andrew’s deal with him. Not anything about you.”

Despite the tacked-on reassurance, Aaron’s lips thinned. “Of course he didn’t. He explained away all of _Andrew’s_ mistakes, but forget about the rest of us.”

“He said he didn’t know what you were thinking,” she said, instantly defensive. Neil had been very clear on that point. “He wasn’t going to put words in your mouth.”

She could tell he wanted to argue with that, to transform this discussion into a systematic dismantling of Neil and avoid the real issue altogether. But she hadn’t left him any opening, so he was forced to retreat. “So you know what was going on. And why him acting the way he did put up a whole bunch of red flags.”

The flecks of nail polish were getting stuck under her fingernails. She tried to scoop them out, but only succeeded in driving them even deeper. “Yeah,” she agreed. “He explained why Andrew did what he did. And I can guess why everyone went along with it. But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with the fact that you let it happen.”

“What was I supposed to do?” He leaned over his blanket hill, locking eyes. “It wasn’t a fucking discussion; Andrew just told us what was gonna happen and that was that. And anyway, it wasn’t like we were exactly on speaking terms. He would have done what he wanted regardless of what I said. He always does.”

That was the kind of bullshit Katelyn wasn’t going to let stand. She abandoned the nail polish to tick points off on her fingers. “You could have told Neil what was going to happen. You could have helped him get to safety after it happened. You could have knocked the drinks onto the floor. You could have—”

“I get it, I get it, you blame me for this entire thing.” He was working himself into a righteous huff. His hands—hampered by the blanket—made angry, aborted movements. “Like, who cares that it was Andrew’s plan and that Nicky was the one who mostly helped, _I_ am the one that should have done things differently, not them—”

“Aaron,” she hissed, and then she glared at him, letting all her fury show on her face. “Stop making excuses. It doesn’t matter that you were basically a bystander—you could have done something. And I’m not on Andrew or Nicky or Kevin’s case about this because none of them are my boyfriend and none of them had a very real example of someone who was only okay because an outsider stepped in.” It was hard to watch the anger drain from his face and be replaced with a wounded kind of guilt. She looked back down at her feet. “Did you even try to stop it?”

It took a moment for him to answer. “No,” he said, so softly that he didn’t even seem like the same person who had been near yelling just a few seconds before.

She nodded; it was what she had expected. “Tell me how to deal with that, Aaron.” It was a plea, pure and simple. “Because even though rationally I get that you were probably really worried about Neil being a spy and you had to look out for yourself, there is a part of me that just can’t get past the fact that you let Andrew do that.”

It was so quiet that she could hear him swallow. “I don’t know,” he said, with the fear of a child. “But you need to tell me what you need because I can’t let this… I love you and I’m not losing you over this.”

She closed her eyes. She knew how scared he was of losing her, how putting her foot down over his deal with Andrew had only aggravated that. He let so few people in, and he hadn’t just let her in—he’d built his future, his life, around her. And she’d done that with him too. Was this enough to make her scrap that plan and start over with something new?

There was a part of her that hated the answer. She reached out and freed his hands anyway, holding them gently in hers. “You aren’t losing me,” she told him. “I’m not going to leave you. But I need something to deal with this.”

He squeezed her hands. “Just tell me what you want. Anything. I swear I’ll do it, Katelyn.”

How could she tell him when she didn’t even know? When she hadn’t even wrapped her own head around it all? “Are you sorry?” she finally asked.

He hesitated. Noticeably. “I’m sorry it hurts you” was his answer. “But I’m not sorry it happened.”

She jerked her head up to stare at him and he lifted one hand in a calming gesture. “Look, no matter what Neil told you, you have no idea how crazy it was. The fans alone were bad enough, and Kevin kept going on and on about how much worse it could get if the Moriyamas actually got involved. And then Neil showed up and he was—you didn’t see him those first few months. It was so clear something was up with him. We were all fucking terrified, and terrified of showing we were terrified. If Andrew drugging him was what it took to be sure he wasn’t a threat to us, then I can’t be sorry about it.”

“There are other ways he could have done that,” Katelyn insisted. “He didn’t have to—”

“But it worked!” Aaron gave his head a swift shake. “After that, Andrew said he was okay. I mean, I still knew there was something fucked about him and I still didn't trust him, but at least I knew he wasn’t going to slit our throats in our sleep. And with everything that’s happened since—it worked out. I can’t be sorry about it.”

“That’s results-oriented thinking.”

“It’s the truth, though.”

It was like she’d been putting together a puzzle and he’d changed the pieces. “I don’t know what I think about that,” she said slowly. “I need time to—I don’t know what I think.” Her head felt muzzy and sluggish. She kept running over his words in her head and they weren’t making sense anymore.

“Okay.” She could still hear that fear in his voice. “I can give you whatever time—whatever you want to figure it out.”

She nodded, more for something to do than because she necessarily believed he would be that patient. “Can we just sleep now?” she asked. “I’m so tired. I just want to sleep.”

Mutely, he laid down and pulled the covers over him, leaving them turned back for her by his side. She crawled up the bed and climbed in. Tentatively, he wrapped an arm around her. “Is this okay?” he whispered.

She ran her fingers over the light, downy hairs on his arm. “Yeah,” she agreed, turning away from him. “It’s okay.”

 

* * *

 

Aaron was still asleep when she woke up. She took a moment to study him—his fair skin, his heart-shaped face, his upturned nose and full lower lip—before slipping out of bed. She took care not to wake him, padding on the balls of her feet into the bathroom.

The house seemed dead when she ventured back out into the hallway. All the doors upstairs were closed, so she headed down instead, thinking she could get a head start on breakfast or at least watch some TV.

She froze as soon as she entered the kitchen. Andrew took her in blankly from his spot perched on the counter, box of sugary cereal clutched in one hand, the other buried in its depths. Change his clothes and he’d look remarkably similar to Aaron upstairs; even their bedhead was identical.

Luckily, she was too tired to start babbling, which might have been her saving grace. After a long minute, Andrew returned to eating his cereal out of the box, carefully pulling out one flake at a time.

She felt absurd standing in the entryway, so she gathered up her courage and waded cautiously in, giving Andrew a wide berth. She pulled open the fridge to see it was essentially empty except for butter, ketchup, peanut butter, and what appeared to be week-old Chinese food; the freezer was jam-packed with ice cream and white bread.

Gingerly, she pulled out two pieces of bread and went hunting for a toaster.

She was on her second piece of peanut butter toast (seated at the kitchen table, far from Andrew) by the time the front door swung open and Neil jogged in. The bandanna pushing his hair back was soaked with sweat, as was most of the rest of him.

“Hey,” he greeted them. The look he gave Katelyn was cursory; his eyes lingered on Andrew, however—long enough that the man in question deigned to look up from his meal. This time, Katelyn averted her eyes while they communicated through nonverbal stares; watching it wouldn’t answer any questions.

“Are you okay?” Neil asked. It took her a second to realize that he was done with his boyfriend and was talking to her instead.

He’d caught her with food in her mouth, and waited with the patience of the uncaring for her to finish it. “Yes,” she said as soon as she managed to swallow. “Thanks. Sorry I messed up everyone’s evening.”

Neil shrugged, grabbing an orange from the fruit bowl (tucked away in a cabinet, strangely enough) and beginning the process of ridding it of its peel. “It wasn’t a big deal.”

For him, maybe. She doubted some of the others felt the same. “Still,” she insisted and didn’t look at Andrew, “I’m sorry.”

This seemed to lose her the last of Neil’s interest; the steady regard of the previous evening was firmly replaced with the nonchalant inattention she was more used to. He didn’t even bother replying, just nodded his head a little.

She felt an odd pang of loss at this return to the status quo. But the closeness she’d felt to him last night was fading for her too. She finished her toast in silence before escaping back to Aaron upstairs.


	3. Chapter Three

When she had to explain the evening to Emma and Tanya later, the whole thing seemed like a surreal dream. Even though she’d promised to tell them everything, she ended up omitting most of what had happened. It felt like a violation of everyone’s privacy to tell the truth. In the end, she settled for an overly detailed description of where they’d gone and very few details about what they had done.

When she finished, she could see both of them wanted to push her for more. But thankfully, they knew her well enough to leave it alone.

Still, everything that had happened hung over her the rest of the week. She took to carrying around her water bottle again, an old coping mechanism. She was distracted in her classes; she was even more distracted during cheer practice.

Worse, she felt awkward around Aaron in a way she never had before. Their usual routine was punctured with stilted silences and aborted touches. It was both of their faults, she thought. Friday had been only the second real fight they’d ever had—the first, of course, being when she’d refused to keep seeing him in secret. That had been easy to blame on Andrew. Much as she was sure Aaron would like to, it was harder to offset the blame this time.

In unspoken agreement, their Thursday night date was transformed into a study session. By the end of it, things almost felt normal; Aaron’s hand even twined naturally with hers on the walk back to the cheer house.

But instead of kissing her goodbye, he went cold again. Not meeting her eyes, he readjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder. “I don’t think I’m going to go this Friday,” he told the ground. “We’ve got that test and practice has been—”

“You should go,” Katelyn said before he could come up with any more excuses. “We can study on Saturday. I think we both deserve to have some fun.”

“Then I’ll stay and we can do something,” he said stubbornly. She watched his hand grow tighter around the strap. “We can go out and get dinner, or see a movie or something.”

He was backing her into a corner and they both knew it. She sighed and eyed the door to the house longingly. “Go spend time with your family, Aaron. I think Andrew will actually kill me if I ruin your Columbia trip two weeks in a row.”

Maybe it was unfair to use Andrew as an excuse, but if she didn’t get an evening to herself, she was going to scream or cry or both. She knew that she and Aaron could get past this, but she still wasn’t sure how. The only thing that she was positive of was that they both needed time, not another fight.

Aaron’s mouth twisted down. “He doesn’t really care if I go,” he insisted. “It’s not like we ever talk. He’ll be fine if I stay here.”

His bag strap was nearly mangled by this point. Something else must have happened; his discomfort wasn’t just about her after all. Carefully, she reached out and disentangled his hand, smoothing it out between her own. “If he didn’t care, he would never have let me come in the first place,” she pointed out. “The only thing he had to gain was making you happy.”

He blinked at her, face gone blank as he processed that. “I guess,” he said reluctantly, and she got the feeling he’d be dwelling over that idea for the next couple of days. “I’ll see you Saturday, then?”

“Yes.” She pressed a quick kiss to his lips before either of them could freeze up. He left looking both pleased and baffled, which was a better combination than before.

Despite what she’d told Aaron, though, Friday saw her hunting for a spot in the library. She’d tried to enjoy the Vixens’ party, but her heart wasn’t in it. After an hour, she’d retreated to her room to gather her laptop and books.

Like always, the library on Friday nights was soothingly empty. Katelyn’s shoulders relaxed as she headed for her usual table.

She almost missed him. She saw him out of the corner of her eye and didn’t register him for a moment; when she did, she jolted to a stop. “Neil?”

His head jerked up. For a second, there was something about his face that frightened her—his eyes were cruel and cold. Then she saw recognition blossom and he transformed into the boy she was used to, already half-ignoring her.

“Hey.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair, which only made it more wild. “You aren’t with the Vixens?”

“I like to use Friday nights to study,” she told him. “Shouldn’t you be in Columbia?”

He shrugged, shuffling papers around on the table. “I’ve got a big test next week for Biology. If I don’t do well, my professor said he’ll have to talk to Coach.”

He must have been doing really poorly; the academic standards for athletes weren’t that high. She drifted closer and saw that he was using the same biology book she’d used freshman year. Nothing about Neil’s notes looked anything like hers, though. They seemed to be mostly comprised of doodles of fox paws.

It was a split-second decision. “Alright,” she said with more cheeriness than she felt. “I’m going to pay back that favor.”

Neil didn’t object until after she’d pulled up a chair. “It’s fine,” he said, although he didn’t sound terribly sure about it.

“No, it’s not.” She jabbed a finger at Neil’s notes, which hardly deserved the word. “Biology is a lot of memorization. You don’t even have a list of terms, let alone flashcards or diagrams or—”

Neil was beginning to look slightly harassed. “I don’t need those things. I just need to refresh on—” he consulted a sheet of typed instructions “—chapters three through ten.”

“And how did you do on the section tests for those chapters?” Katelyn asked archly.

His silence was a clear answer.

“Yeah.” Katelyn dragged the book between them and flipped to chapter three. “We’ll start from the beginning then.”

 

* * *

 

Katelyn pitied any professor that had Neil in their class. It wasn’t that he was stupid or couldn’t learn the material—he just didn’t care. Even with the looming knowledge that a failing grade on this test could mean suspension from the Exy team, his mind started to wander after only about five minutes of studying. Every time, Katelyn had to wrangle his attention forcefully back.

After about an hour of struggling, they feel into a rhythm of some sort. Neil responded best, she found, to visual and practical examples. He was much less likely to retain anything he heard, although she suspected that might be different if, say, Andrew was doing the lecturing.

They’d only covered chapters three through six by the time the library closed at midnight. Katelyn checked her phone as they walked out; there weren’t any new messages. She hadn’t heard from Aaron since he’d left.

“I’m not that tired,” she told Neil. “We can keep going if you want. The diner on Fifth stays open all night.”

Neil looked faintly grateful; she imagined he’d been worried about trying to do the rest on his own. “Thanks,” he said. “We can just go back to my dorm, though. It’s empty.”

“Am I allowed?” she asked without thinking. Moments later, a blush burned across her cheeks.

He just shrugged, oblivious to her embarrassment. “It’s my dorm too. Can you drive?”

They passed several still-raging parties, but the actual streets were deserted. The athletes’ dorm was equally quiet, most of them either out or already asleep. Neil and Katelyn’s breathing echoed strangely in the hall as he unlocked the door opposite Aaron’s and led her inside.

Instead of a couch or—god forbid—chairs, there were three bean bags on the floor in front of the massive TV. The desks were pushed up against the wall and seemed more like a repository for stray clothing and gear than anything useable.

“Where do you normally work in here?” she asked. If he told her the bean bags, she was going to insist they go to the diner. She hadn’t been fond of them as a kid, and she certainly wasn’t now.

“I don’t” was his answer. He surveyed the room and then began dumping stuff off one of the desks. “Kevin works in his bed and Andrew doesn’t really do homework, so.”

Katelyn watched him throw things on the floor and tried to hide her distaste. Boys. “Why hasn’t he failed out if he doesn’t do the work?”

She saw the corner of Neil’s mouth pull up before he rubbed a hand over it. “He tests well,” he said. “Will this work?”

“Are there chairs?”

He pulled two out of the bedroom, where they’d apparently been stashed. She caught a quick glimpse of bunkbeds before he closed the door firmly.

“It’ll do,” she said, brushing a hand over her face. She should have insisted on the diner. “Do you have any coffee?”

She quizzed him on the last chapter while he bustled around the kitchen making coffee for them both. Once he had two cups ready, he grabbed a bag of dried fruit and carted everything over to the newly designated study desk.

Between the coffee and the snacks (unlike Neil, she could not survive on fruit alone, so she raided the kitchen and came away with a protein bar, the only thing she was sure wasn’t Andrew’s), they managed to barrel through the remaining chapters. By the time they completed the practice questions at the end of chapter ten, it was almost morning and Katelyn was barely awake.

Neil blinked out of his biology-induced stupor when she slammed the book shut. “That’s it,” she said and stood up from the chair to stretch out the kinks that had formed in her back. “Chapters three through ten, done. If you don’t pass your test now, nothing could have saved you.”

He shuffled his new notes into a neat pile, sliding them into the textbook. “Yeah,” he agreed vaguely. “Thanks.”

She flapped a dismissive hand in his direction as she yawned. “No problem.” Pulling her phone out, she checked the time. It was 4:13. There were no new messages.

During their intense study session, she’d been able to put Aaron from her mind. With it over, he came rushing back. It had now been exactly a week, and she still didn’t have any answers.

Maybe it was because she was punch-drunk with exhaustion and stress. Maybe it was because she’d never gone a Friday night without a single text from Aaron since they’d gotten together. Or maybe it was the way nighttime always made it feel like anything was possible. But she tucked her phone away, looked Neil in the eye, and asked, “How did you get over it?”

“What?”

He was bewildered and she couldn’t blame him. She gestured useless at him. “What Andrew did. You got over it. You’re together now. How did you do it?”

Shrugging, he smoothed his hands over his arms. She hadn’t noticed before, but he was wearing his armbands under his sleeves. “I don’t know. I learned to trust him, I guess. He didn’t do it again.”

“But how could you give him that trust?” she pressed. “After what he did?”

“Because I knew why he did it. There wasn’t a reason for him to do it again.”

Katelyn made a frustrated noise in the back of her throat. “But what if there was a reason? What then?”

Now, he looked irritated. “There wouldn’t be.”

“But—”

“All-powerful yakuza families are in kind of short supply.” Katelyn recognized the sharpness in his voice from when he spoke to reporters he didn’t like. His eyes were ice. “And you’re not me. Figure out your shit with Aaron on your own—don’t pull me and Andrew into it.”

She felt smaller than a bug, thoroughly put in her place. Shamed, she crossed her arms and focused on the ground. So stupid of her to think that a couple of nights of solidarity meant he was anything like a friend to her. She kept forgetting he didn’t really care.

Sighing, Neil’s feet scuffed the floor as he stood up. “Andrew was keeping a promise,” he said, voice no longer designed to wound. “I respect that, and I can’t hold it against him. You need to decide if you can honestly hold it against Aaron, knowing what you know.”

Katelyn swallowed, curling her toes in her shoes. Her stomach ached. “I don’t know,” she murmured. “I understand, but I… I can’t let go of it.”

“You should,” he advised. “If you hold onto every one of Aaron’s mistakes, you’ll be holding on a long time.”

She was startled into brief, choked laughter. “I’ve never had a problem with his flaws before,” she admitted. “This just feels different.”

“Are you afraid he’ll do something like it again?”

“I don’t know.” She hugged her stomach in an effort to calm it. “I didn’t think he’d do it the first time.” She dared to look up; Neil was watching her steadily. “Do you think he will?”

Frowning, he tilted his head to the side, slightly. “I don’t really think of him as doing anything in the first place,” he said. “Or, if he did, it was the same thing he did to you.”

“What?” Panic rose in her. “He never did anything to me—”

“He didn’t stand up for you,” Neil corrected. “Just like he didn’t stand up for me. But he fixed that. He won’t let Andrew get away with anything like that again.”

It was as if Neil had taken the mismatched puzzle pieces of her brain, flipped them upside down, and then somehow put them into place. Suddenly, everything made sense, every element fitting together. “I never thought of it that way,” she said faintly.

“That’s how it was.”

Despite having said only a week ago that he couldn’t speak for Aaron, Neil had a firmer grasp on him than she could have anticipated. Even though Aaron had practically said as much himself, it was Neil who had connected the dots for her. He’d lifted a weight off her chest and shown her it wasn’t that heavy in the first place.

“If the problem was his relationship with Andrew,” she said slowly, more for the joy of saying it out loud than because she needed any clarification, “it won’t happen again. Because they’re fixing things.”

He didn’t visibly agree or disagree, but she was sure she had him right. “They went to therapy together this week,” Neil said, almost absentmindedly, although she knew exactly how deliberate he was being. “They both seemed pretty shook up when they got back. Not angry. Just like something had happened.”

She tried to imagine Andrew shook up and couldn’t. “That’s good,” she said. “Don’t you think?”

“Yeah.” There was something almost like a smile on his face. “It’s good.”

 

* * *

 

Outside of the dorm, the air was stingingly cool, but Katelyn embraced it. Her world had been thrown back into order, her thoughts once more aligned. She leaned against her car and stared up at the sky for a good long while, reveling in the clarity of it all. Then, when she felt ready, she pressed one on her speed dial.

Aaron’s phone went to voicemail; he was probably already passed out. “Hey,” she said, and her smile came easy as sunshine. “I just wanted to say I missed you tonight. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow when you get back.” She paused, imagining him listening to her message in the morning with his tousled bedhead and dark circles under his eyes. “Love you, Aaron. Sleep well.”

 

* * *

 

When Aaron showed up at her doorway the next morning, Emma and Tanya considerately vacated the room. As soon as they were gone, he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck. She didn’t hesitate to hug him back.

The embrace lasted long enough that she couldn’t resist the urge to kiss the top of his head. That made him pull back, flustered.

She couldn’t help but smile. “Hey,” she said and kissed the tip of his nose for good measure. “It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, although he sounded wary of her still. “Are you okay? You’re still in your PJs.”

A chronic morning person, she was normally up and ready long before him. “Stayed up late last night,” she reminded him. After all, it had been past four when she’d left her voicemail. “You look less hungover than usual.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Didn’t drink that much. I hung out at the table while Nicky and Kevin danced.” He hesitated. “Andrew and I ended up talking a little.”

Her eyes went wide. “Really? That’s great!”

Scowling, he cast his eyes toward the ground. “It wasn’t about anything special. It was just talking.

Just talking was far more than they’d managed less than a year ago. And just talking might be just what they needed. Katelyn cupped his face and kissed him again. “Still. I’m happy for you.”

He took a cautious step forward, hands moving delicately to her hips. “And you’re really okay?”

She felt such a rush of adoration for him that she peppered his face with kisses, startling him into laughter. He eventually warded her off, pinning her against the wall with his hands and body. “Yes,” she replied breathlessly. “I’m really okay. I figured out what I needed to figure out.”

The last bit of fear drained from him and he slumped against her. “What did you figure out?” he asked, voice muffled.

“It was actually because of Neil,” she said. When he stared up at her, alarmed, she smiled reassuringly. “I ended up helping him study last night—he’s really terrible at it, did you know?—and he said something that just put the whole thing in perspective for me.”

Aaron’s eyes darted over her face before he slowly nodded. “He’s good at that,” he admitted grudgingly. “It’s just because he’s fucked up in the head, though.”

“I’m not saying you have to like him,” she said with a snort of laughter.

“Good. Because I don’t. And I’m never going to.”

“As long as you realize he’s done a lot for you, like it or not.”

He glared at her, but wilted in the face of her serenity. “Fine,” he said shortly. “It wasn’t really for me, though.”

Humming in agreement—no one could deny where Neil’s priorities lay—Katelyn leaned her forehead against Aaron’s. “Still.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” He kissed her briefly, sweet and sentimental in a way he found it difficult to express with words. “Do you really want to keep talking about him, though? I’m tired of our conversations being about my brother’s boyfriend.”

It was just a couple of words, but Katelyn warmed with pride at Aaron’s subtle acknowledgment of Neil’s role in Andrew’s life. Everything—from Eden’s Twilight to the twins’ therapy session to their conversation last night—seemed to have brought about some kind of change in Aaron; she loved him all the more for it.

“Well…” She let the word drag out. “I suppose it would be a shame to waste this empty room…”

It took him approximately two seconds to tackle her onto the bed.

 

* * *

 

After that, things slipped back into their usual pattern—with a few small exceptions.

Neil texted her a few days later to let her know he’d passed his test; he’d actually managed an A-, shocking his professor. She’d sent back her congratulations, and somehow they’d kept texting.

It wasn’t very often or about anything important, but they exchanged messages a few times a week about nothing topics—the new juice place downtown or something on his science homework or Exy news. Sometimes he’d even text her from Eden’s Twilight, normally pictures of Nicky and Aaron wildly dancing. It was almost like being friends.

Aaron told her she had a standing invitation to Columbia if she wanted it; his sessions with Andrew were more frequent and seemed to be producing results at an exponential rate. She appreciated the gesture (and suspected Neil had his hands in it) but she’d never felt the need to take him up on it. In the end, it wasn’t really her scene.

The invitation Aaron extended to Thanksgiving at Abby’s, however, was a different matter entirely.

“You gotta go, right?” Tanya said, eyes wide as she sucked down her smoothie. At the athletes’ cafeteria, they were laced with protein powder; Katelyn avoided them like the plague. “After all, you’ll see your family at Christmas, and the opportunity to see Andrew Minyard talk about what he’s grateful for doesn’t happen every day.”

They all snickered, imagining it. Katelyn shook her head, though. “I know they must have all agreed to it, but there’s a part of me that thinks I should say no. Not shake things up.”

Emma frowned at her. “But last time really worked out. Both last times, actually.”

She’d never gotten around to explaining everything that had happened to the two of them. But she’d ended up telling them enough for them to have a pretty good idea of just how freaked out she’d been, and they’d seen the ensuing results. “I’m not really ready for anything like last time,” she admitted. “I want a peaceful Thanksgiving.”

“And it’ll be so peaceful at your parents’, with two babies?” Tanya rolled her eyes. “I’d take the Exy boys over that any day.”

“I like babies,” Katelyn said primly.

“And that’s why you don’t want any of your own.”

“Anyhow,” Emma broke in loudly, “it’s just one day. You should think about it.”

“I am,” Katelyn promised.

And she was. She had a few weeks left to decide, and she planned to make the most of them. But her plans were interrupted by a text from Neil that afternoon.

_Can you come over to my dorm?_

Instantly, her heart was pounding. She couldn’t think of why he would want her to come over unless something terrible had happened.

_Is something wrong???_

Luckily, unlike usual, his reply came quickly.

_No. There’s something I think you should see._

The cryptic message wasn’t very reassuring, but at least she knew no one was hurt. Still, she rushed to get her things and drive over, wondering what it could be the whole time. Maybe he’d set the curve in Biology and wanted her to see the test? But then why hadn’t he just sent a picture?

When she got to the dorm, she had to text him to get in. He came down to greet her, calm as ever. “Come on” was all he said as he led her up the stairs.

He paused at the door to his dorm room, pressing a finger against his lips to indicate she should be quiet. Then he swung the door soundlessly open.

The room was already occupied. Andrew and Aaron were settled side by side on two of the bean bags. Their eyes were glued to the TV screen, matching controllers clutched in their hands. On screen, two guns bobbed around a room, shooting hoards of zombies swarming toward them.

“Right,” Andrew said tersely before one of the guns opened fire. For zombies, they spurted a lot of blood.

“Got it,” Aaron muttered back, and a grenade appeared on the other half of the screen. He tossed it to the right and a group of fresh zombies splattered into pieces.

In near silence, the twins systematically decimated the mass of zombies. When the game declared their victory, Aaron held up his fist up. Andrew looked at it for a long moment, then knocked his own fist against it.

Quietly, Neil pulled her back into the hall.

Katelyn realized there were actual tears in her eyes. Sniffing, she rubbed them away. “That was good. Really good. Right?”

Neil jammed his hands into his pockets. “Yeah,” he agreed. “They both seem to like games like that.”

So they had something in common after all. It wasn’t peanut butter on pickles, but it was something.

“I was thinking of coming to Thanksgiving,” she told him. For some reason, it felt like the right thing to do. “What do you think?”

He rested against the doorframe and contemplated her. She felt like she had all his attention; that was becoming a more common feeling. “I think that would be good too,” he said. “Should I tell Abby you’ll be there?”

She couldn’t help it—she beamed at him. “Sure.” It’d probably be a little crazy, but she liked a little bit of crazy. “Tell her to count me in.”


	4. CODA

When Neil joined Andrew on the roof that evening, he lit a cigarette and waited. It didn’t take long.

“Should I tell my brother he has competition?” Andrew asked.

Neil ducked his head to hide his smile. “That would be a lie.”

“Give me another reason you keep bringing the cheerleader around.”

So he had noticed. Neil had thought so. “You know why.”

“Do I?”

“I told you,” Neil reminded him. “When I asked you to let her go to Columbia the first time. I know you haven’t forgotten.”

Andrew blew out a long stream of smoke. “Will you ever stop meddling?”

“Probably not,” Neil admitted. “Katelyn agreed to come to Thanksgiving. I think Aaron actually smiled at me. It was weird.”

“And his happiness means so much to you.”

“No,” Neil said bluntly. He framed Andrew’s face with his hands and waited until Andrew looked over. “Yours does.”

Andrew gripped his hands and moved them forcibly away. “I do not feel happy.”

“But are you unhappy?”

“Every day,” Andrew said. “Haven’t you heard I hate you?”

“I see how that could bother you,” Neil said solemnly. “Kiss me?”

Andrew rolled his eyes in disgust as he leaned in.

Neil couldn’t keep from smiling against his lips.

 

 

_Fin_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading and I hope you liked it! If you have any questions/thoughts or spotted a typo, please do let me know via comment or you can find me on [Tumblr](http://sunrise-and-death.tumblr.com).


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